Happy Heavenly Hash Day!

My alternate title for today's post is The H is O, but that's only because I've had that SNL short with Ben Stiller, Jimmy Fallon, and Horatio Sanz playing opposite Will Ferrell as Glenn Frey on my mind lately. I decided, instead, to stick with Lady A's randomly assigned food celebration of the day. Of course, that decision led me to the next logical step: What the hell is Heavenly Hash?

Being an inquisitive young man who got to the office an hour and a half before anyone else, I decided to do a little research. Six and a half minutes later, I discovered the world doesn't really agree on the definition of Heavenly Hash.

"But, Earthquake, how is that possible? I know exactly what Heavenly Hash is!"

I know! Me, too! But, dig around a little in the realm of Heavenly Hashdom, and you'll find exactly what I found: you've been living a lie.

I was raised in the belief that Heavenly Hash was one of those creepy ice cream flavors that nobody I knew ever bought. (Mostly, because it had marshmallows in it, which are gross unless there is breakfast cereal or campfires involved and mostly only the breakfast cereal.) The only time I ever saw it was at the seedy end of the frozen food aisle and in the deep-freezer in the garage at that one kid's house whose parents were always "sleeping" or smoking or both but who I hung out with because we could shoot BBs at beer bottles in their backyard. In both cases, the ice cream carton was always covered with a quarter-inch of frost.

My cursory survey of the world's Heavenly Hash traditions turned up some new concepts for me. There are some people in the world who believe that Heavenly Hash is the combination of the Holy Trinity of dessert ingredients: chocolate, nuts, and marshmallows. (I know I just busted on marshmallows, but do you really think I could pass up an opportunity to drop "Holy Trinity of dessert foods?" Besides, who doesn't support dessert for breakfast? What's that, dietitians? Oh, go to hell!) Much like the Christian tradition, there are numerous sects and denominations that fall under this umbrella.

Then, there are the Recipe Traditions that assert Heavenly Hash is a magical concoction of fruit-saladish ingredients or an even more magical concoction of breakfast foods!

There is even a school of thought out there that believes that Heavenly Hash is one of the seed-bearing plants given us to use, according to Cypress Hill's interpretation of Genesis 1:12.

And, as evidence of the constantly deepening mystery surrounding the issue, one splinter group even, somewhat horrifyingly, construes this guy as Heavenly Hash.

The bottom line is that the world has as many visions of Heavenly Hash as it has of Heaven, and we all know how well that works out. (Don't we, Middle East?)

It seems February is all about learning for me. Yesterday I learned what Baked Alaska was. Now, Heavenly Hash, although I've raised more questions for myself than I've answered. So, let's continue this stream of education and debate. What other pitched battles about food definitions are out there? Anything, in particular, that you'll argue about until the cows come home? Or, at least until you engage in watersports with someone you met through an online singles ad?

And, of course, my fellow Heavenly Hash-hounds, WFL?