“Lisa Stewart, says here you’re a soup fanatic. Tell us about that.”
“That’s right, Alex. I love soup. My friends always laugh about how much soup I eat.”
Idiot.
I heard this exchange on Jeopardy the other day during that very special portion of the show where Alex gets to know the contestants better, based on some fact they share with the producers about themselves. Most of the time, it makes me want to stab the contestants, and I imagine the bloodbath after I’ve slaughtered Trebeck and then wait to hear about how Earl has a garden and he grows TOMATOES, and Susan went to a mall once, and Steve – wild and crazy Steve – he’s the Jenga champion among his friends and family.
So, let’s pretend we’re on Lunch Jeopardy. That time when you have to share a little something about yourself with the Alex and the viewing audience. What’s your lunch factoid? Tell us something we may not know about you and lunching (or, you in general).
“So, OWFL, it says here that you really like lunch.” “Yes, Alex, that is correct.” “Tell me more about this ‘lunch’ of which you speak.” “Shut the fuck up you bitch ass, and tell me WHAT’S FOR LUNCH MOTHERFUCKER???!!!”
68 comments:
"Well Alex my friends give me a really hard time about this...it's kind of embarrassing...but I often order extra mayo on my sandwiches."
(A loud disapproving murmur rises in the crowd.)
"I see, Randy, uh, well, how does your mother feel about this."
"Alex, she supports me.
"Well Randy I'm afraid I cannot support you or the choice that you've made."
(loud raucous cheers from the crowd)
"But Alex, God made me this way..."
"Then Randy not only do I reject you, but I reject God as well."
(the crowd explodes in cheers and chants of Alex's name as the they rush the stage and lift him over their heads in a scene reminiscent of the final shot form the movie "Rudy". As they carry Alex away he winks at me and spits a bloody loogie that lands and splatters on the lapel of my sport coat. It was a new one I bought the week before from Men's Wearhouse. I don't like the way that I look.)
Good Lord, Jo, outing yourself twice in that posting!
That was a fictional posting about my favorite singer, Randy Vanwarmer.
Three times actually....
It was kind of funny when Ken Jennings was on there forever & they totally ran out of things to say "So Ken, I hear your first word was 'mama'."
Hm, I would say that I like crappy tv. Or something totally inappropriate for tv, like my favorite bar when I was in 9th grade was this little local hole in the wall that had a condom machine outside.
Lunch today, I don't know. I'm not inspired. Although I'm leaning towards thai. I really don't want to go out. I wonder who else delivers.
my eyes were burning by the second time, so i missed the third.
the only other randy i know was this guy in my yoga class who never wore a shirt. it was distracting and not in a good way.
I have been known to take a gallon container of honey and literally pour it into my mouth. Hence my nick-name, bear.
My factoid:
Raw Honey - An Anti-Bacterial, Anti-Viral, Anti-Fungal Substance
The health benefits of honey - like all foods - depend on the quality of the honey. But in this case, the situation is even more extreme, because the pollen that collects on the bees' legs as they move from plant to plant is only as healthful and as diverse as those plants. In addition, the processing of honey often removes many of the phytonutrients found in raw honey as it exists in the hive. Raw honey, for example, contains small amounts of the same resins found in propolis. Propolis, sometimes called "bee glue," is actually a complex mixture of resins and other substances that honeybees use to seal the hive and make it safe from bacteria and other micro-organisms. Honeybees make propolis by combining plant resins with their own secretions. However, substances like road tar have also been found in propolis. Bee keepers sometimes use special screens around the inside of the hive boxes to trap propolis, since bees will spread this substance around the honeycomb and seal cracks with the anti-bacterial, anti-viral, and anti-fungal resins. The resins found in propolis only represent a small part of the phytonutrients found in propolis and honey, however. Other phytonutrients found both in honey and propolis have been shown to posssess cancer-preventing and anti-tumor properties.
It is also good in health shakes for its regenerative properties.
mmmm honey and Peanut Butter sammys.
I like bee-shit basically. [insert scat porn joke here]
he did not say that!!! if that's true, notwitty, that's f'ing awesome!
Diz, Stanley Burroughs, author of the Master Cleanse, begs to vehemently disagree with you on honey. There's a whole section about how honey, being bee shit, as you say, is terrible for you and should never be ingested. I tried to find the section online, but it seems his daughter has made everyone take down the Cleanse b/c of copyright issues. I also seem to have misplaced my copy, which is upsetting to me for many reasons.
copyright issues . . . riiiiiight.
But on the real tip (I watched VH1's Hip Hop honors last night, hosted by Ice-T) I need help with lunch today. I have a little cash and a blank slate of what to get except I know I want a sandwich.
Please help.
" I hear you like to skateboard, hit a punching bag and rap"
Yes Alex, these are true
"let's get a sample'
One day I was walk in Russia
Policeman said to me "Ill Mitch I don trust ya"
That a few lines from one of my raps.
Then Alex say
"good rap, you might not win in final jeapordy, but you win any rapping contest around here. What about the skating and punching?"
[ILL Mitch take out board, since I am always having one with me, and I throw down mad rim jobs and pull off the Cleveland Steamer. When crowd goes crazy for this, I punch ALex in the belly and return to my clicker.]
help me owflers! should iget the gaeng-kew-waan (choice of chicken, pork, beef cooked with bamboo shoots & eggplant in green curry paste & coconut milk) or drunken noodle (choice of chicken, pork, beer stir fried with fresh rice noodles, hot chili pepper and basil leaves)? Help!!
jo, what about a half smoke? cheap & sandwich like (hey, meat between two pieces of bread).
Potbelly, Jo. That's always a good bet for low cash and a sandwich.
drunken noodles with pork LT.
I'm still waiting for sandwich help...
I spoke too soon...thanks guys!!!
braunschweiger wins the day.
LT, drunken noodles. I'm biased b/c it's my favorite. MMMMMM drunken noodles.
"so I hear you have an unusual nickname. what is it?"
" it's Sunshine Alex"
"How did you get that name?"
"Well I like to say it is because of all the time I spent in Florida, the Sunshine State. But that's not true."
"Go on"
"it's mostly because I like to show off my weiner in a sort of reverse of the classic Moon. Here check it out"
( Sunshine is then tackled by security and escorted out of the studio and the game continues with only two players like when one of those dumb fuckers ends up with negetive money after double jeapordy. But Sunshine's wiener gets on tv past the censors and all the ladies flock like bees to a hive.)
Lunch today will be at a place that accepts credit cards since I ain't got no cash and there is always a line at the Bank of America that goes halfway around the block.
for shame peep! hasn't jo been outed enough today??
everybody know where ILL Mitch stand on sanwiches.
this randy should get a double decker balogna and American cheese sanwich. Wash down with Mountain Dew.
For price of one sanwich made by lady in hair net, he can buy wonder bred, pack baloney, pack cheese, and then steal mayo packets from cafeteria. lunch for week.
Everyone seems to love Randy Vanwarmer today.
I decided on the non-drunken noodle thing. My inclination was for drunken noodle, b/c I looooooooove it, but I thought I would spread my wings.
"LizTurtle, I understand you once ordered something totally new to you from a thai restaurant once."
"Yes Alex, that's true."
"And then what happened? Something disturbing happened."
"Well, Alex, the whole point of ordering thai food in that day was to avoid going outside b/c it was bitterly cold. Well, I asked around & got several co-workers interested in thai as well, and I ordered the food. And after all that, I asked for delivery and they said 'Oh, we don't deliver at lunch.'"
(audience laughs)
"So you had to go out in the cold after all."
"Yes, Alex. It was devastating."
Well, I'm a little randy.
It's been a while since i've had a chance to make a sandwich if you kno what I mean.
Meat in the buns.
Oh Snap!
I would like to invite all the OWLFers out there to come to a party at the Newton House on Election Night for our:
Take Back the House party.
Tuesday November 7, 7:00
Beer, wine, Hopefully cupcakes with flags on them.
We'll watch the results come in, then celebrate or mourn or whatever.
Lady A, (or HT, Josephus, or anybody with rights and permissions around here) How do I get access to the sidebar to post up event details?
I want to post something about the cake party and about this event as well.
I've been a terrible events coordinator and I want to make it up to y'all by doing my job.
yes alex, i do love lunch. in fact, i not only love lunch but i also love potty humor. potty humor and monkeys. especially monkeys in suits. in fact, the best is when monkeys throw their own shit. that will always make me laugh.
um, ok la choi. you are the most interesting contestant we've had on the show? in fact, i will give you a $100,000 just for being you.
aw, thanks alex. you're the best.
(i run out and give alex a big hug and the entire audience says "awwwww")
aside from this, i would really also like help on what to get for lunch today. something smells like corn dogs in here...or maybe that's fries. anyway, i want something that won't break the bank. and i don't want a sandwich b/c i had one yesterday. any thoughts?
hmm, i actually have a hankering for chinese, but i don't know of any decent place around here. does anyone know of a cheap and decent place?
sunshine you have the rights to post wherever you want. just create a normal post and I (or someone else) will show you how you put it on the sidebar or do it for you.
LC, I don't know where your Around Here is, but the Hunan Palace on Vermont between K & L is a great value. Dope food, wicked low prices.
and yes mikey you have been an awful events coordinator...isn't there an owfl birthday party coming up?
Sweet, thanks Jo.
I mean thanks about the info for posting sidebars.
And for the record, I said terrible. Your use of awful is just hurtful and mean.
lt, I had a joke about being the guy who never wears his shirt in yoga class, but that was SO long ago that I'm going to let it ride.
Alex: "So, Earthquake, you also have an interesting nickname. Tell us about it."
Eq: "Well, Alex, it is a gift bestowed upon me by the ladies - many of them Trebeks, I might add - because the earth moves when I'm with them."
Alex: "I'm sorry. Did you say many of them are Trebeks?"
Eq: "Yes, Allie my boy, I'm fucking your mother, which leads me to my other interesting nickname" [cut to experiencing technical difficulties screen]
I think I'm diving in to the fake deli line next door today. I'm tempted to go sandwich, but I might bite on the fake sushi rolls they have down there.
huhhuh..."down there"...
"So m, i hear you have long toes"
"yes, alex"
"like a monkey?"
"quite like a monkey, alex"
"do you eat bananas with your toes like a monkey?"
"i don't eat bananas alex."
"oh."
"..."
"so, sexually do your toes. . ."
"i loath you alex"
lunch was fried calamari and freedom fries. so much healthier than that sandwich from Panera yesterday.
After i got home, i compared the nutritional information with Burger King's Meatnormous and foudn that bacon, sausage and ham, fried in mcGrease with eggs on white is a much more healthy option than the "Italian combo"
Honey: i own a book called "folk medicine" that is basically 170 pages explaining that any concievable human ailment can be cured through ingestion of Honey and Apple Cider vinegar. I'm waiting until i go blind to really test this out.
And
I dare you to google meatnormous.
A true story…
Order taker: Hi, help yourself to a cookie.
Dipso: Thanks.
OT: What can I get for you?
Dipso: Meatball with bacon, please.
OT: Meatball and bacon. Nice!
Dipso: Thank you.
Sandwich maker: Meatballll with bacon!
(The sandwich is constructed and sent through the oven.)
Sandwich catcher: You had the meatball?
Dipso: Yep.
SC: Oooh, with bacon?
Dipso: Yep.
SC: You know what else is good on this?
Dipso: What’s that?
SC: Put a little chili on there.
Dipso: Do it, man.
SC: Allllright!
SC: (after returning from chili cauldren, to fixin' specialist) Can you help this gentleman with his meatball and bacon with chili, please?
(Sandwich catcher hands off the sandwich to the fixin’ specialist, but remains interested in what will happen next. I will blow his mind.)
Fixin’ specialist: Certainly. What else would you like, sir?
Dipso: ......mayo...
SC: Mayo!! My MAN!
Dipso: Mayo, onion, tomato and heavy hot peppers.
SC: Oooh wee! (now speaking back over the oven, to sandwich maker, and within earshot of the rest of the line of customers) That’s a meatball with bacon! Chili! MAYONNAISE! And extra hot peppers! (Back to Dipso) Nicely done!
Dipso: Thank you.
SC: Nice – ly DONE!
Dipso: Thanks.
Hit up the Quiznos, but didn't want to be the guy standing there with my mouth open staring dumbly at the menu board, not really reading it and not really knowing what to do next. I hate those guys. SO I decided befre going in that I'd pick the first think on the manu.
It turned out to be a turkey ranch swiss, and all of those things are good.
Shout out to JO
Harvest chedder SunChips
Shout out to ILL
Mountain Dew.
Dipso,
That is total sweet. You rocked them fuckers.
Kind of like the reverse of Earthquake's rant the other day about the nasty looks the sandwich maker gives when you ask for no mustard.
way to go dipso!
Thanks, Sunshine. I felt like the James Dean of Potbelly's or something -- complete with the dying young. Also there was macaroni salad and stewarts grape.
And...i think an organ just shut down.
Thanks, Jo.
Dipso, grape soda makes green poo.
You'll see in 8 to 20 hours.
The Dreadnoks loved grape soda.
Alex: Watchdog, it says here that you harbor a deep-seated resentment against me, and often fantasize about killing me.
WD: That's right Alex, I think you're a megalomaniac douchebag who should be strung up from the highest tree.
Alex: Such a big word from someone like yourself.
WD: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.
dipso: [applause] I wish I had been in that line behind you. I definitely would have used the "I'll have what he's having" line in earnest for the first time in my life.
Decided to get the "Tuna Green" from the subpar joint next door. tuna, lettuce, tomato, sprouts, shrooms, carrots, cukes, avocado. With a pickle and a bag of Happy Herbert's Handmade Penn Dutch Pretzels (Extra Dark).
Water for drinking because my elevator card isn't working, and I didn't feel like walking upstairs to track down my standard cranberry juice.
Jo, do you mean the dreadnoughts from GI Joe. Those rough rouges who worked with / for Tomax and Xamot. Rip, Buzzsaw, Torch, the guy with the spinning shield that confused people. Those guys loved Grape soda? I never knew that
And chocolate-covered donuts, apparently.
Thanks, NoTwitty!!
Lunch was whole wheat pasta with garlic, oil, and a smidge of Eros Pista (Hungarian hot pepper paste), lemon, parm and cottage cheese.
Had a salad today, nothing too exciting. meh
Oh, and, sunshine, those dudes worked for Zartan. Tomax and Xamot had the Crimson Guard, and those dudes were as effective on the battlefield as they were in the boardroom, unlike the Dreadnoks.
My tuna sandwich was pretty good. Turns out it had red cabbage, too.
YAY!
Dang you're right EQ. Good showing.
I thought T & X were a little too clean cut to work with the rough and tumble dreadnaughts.
I even had Zartan, you had to order him specially with the flag points collected from the back of other GI Joe toys. He changed color and had a mask and he rode that swamp scooter that came apart and also changed colors.
Man, Ima have to go back and study up on my boyhood trivia.
Buck Futter!
and something to do with a duck with a cold...
I was sure it was dreadnoks not dreadnoughts, but I may have had grimlock on the mind.
. . .mallard with a cold?
i thought eros pista may translate literally to "Love Paste" and i had all kinds of things ready to say to HT about her love of eros piste but then as a reasonable amount of research i found that she is eating somethign named "strong steve"
Googled:
'One day at dinner I looked at the jar of Eros Pista on the table and broke out laughing. I had, after many months, realized that since "eros" means strong and "Pista" is the nickname for Istvan, which is the Hungarian form of Steven, that the name translates as "Strong Steve." Well, you can see it doesn't take much in life to amuse me...'
I haven't gotten on the inter web to investigate this, but I believe them dudes were named after the old timey british soldiers who feared nothing, or who dread naught.
M. seems to be good at finding answers. What is it yo?
Wow, Dipso. Just . . . wow.
My lunch was good. I don't think I have enough rice to sop up the remaining sauce, though. We'll see tomorrow when I try to eat it. Or will we? We are scheduled to have a fire alarm for all 3 buildings here & I'm hoping it happens at lunch b/c it will be madness (Madness!) trying to get on a elevator back up to our floor, so I'm going out for lunch. And then some lady in this meeting was talking about not cramming on elevators b/c there was this guy who tried to do that, but the elevator had too many people on it & the doors stayed open, but the elevator started fucking descending while he was getting on & he got cut in half!! Agh!!!!!! So fuck it, I'm going out to eat after the fire alarm. Siiiiigh - it'll probably happen at 10am.
Well, actually, M -
Eros = Spicy
Eros actually has too long umlauts over the "o" but my keyboard don't do fancy Hungarian spellins'.
While Pista is the diminutive of Istvan (Steve) that's not what this is. It's Hungarian spicy pepper paste.
HT: i don’t care what these "Hungarian translators" say. i will refer to this and any other condiment you place on your sandwich as love paste.
as for the dreadnok question, if that is what i was questioned on.. dreadnok is the correct term if memory serves and i found this wonderful little page to confirm it:
The Dreadnoks are a reprehensible group of mercenaries, vandals and thieves who worked for both Zartan and Cobra over the years. Specializing in violence and destruction, the Dreadnoks have no regard for anyone or anything but themselves and fast money. Their diet consists of little more than chocolate-covered donuts and grape soda.
dreadnaught is a term for either a ship or a fearless person (no specification on political affiliation).
How dumb do you have to be to get chopped in half by an elevator? Oh, wait, he was a buckeye. Nevermind.
I had Zartan. I got Duke, whose real name was Conrad S. Hauser, via mail, too. Also I think I got a hooded version of cobra commander, some dude in a beret and I think some chick soldier named Lady Jaye, maybe. I don't recall her name for sure, but I do remember that she wore bright green and the buttons on her uniform could easily be mistaken for nipples.
??????????????????????
I'm not even sure this whole discussion is esoterrorism. Is it?
I knew it was 'noks!
I had the Stalker windsurfing figure.
GI JOE Headquarters, a HISS, a dragonfly, the jeep, the Cobra jeep, and a bunch of figures.
...And Bubs would definitely be the voice of the wheelchair.
Get back here! I'll get you hey Steve if it's the last thing I doooooooooooo.
SB email: Crazy Cartoon.
Sweet cuppin cakes.
Word to your mom Peep.
Dang. Well done M.
I was wrong.
But from special order I had the H.I.S.S. too. And I got that windsurfer that breaks down into a back pack.
I had heaps of GI Junk. I had dragon fly, the rattler, tha HAVOC, the Mobat, the Jeeps, both joe and cobra, all sorts of minor playsets like the mountain howitzer, the bivouak, and the little cobra droids. I had the machine gun and flame thrower, oh and the cobra bubble jet thing, and the joe smowmobile (which came with Snow Job) The Shark. Man I was down with Joe.
Now all I have is the little fold out catalogues that came with the vehicles, but I have them for each of the toy line's first 5 years, so it's like a slice of history. Maybe E-bay suckers would pay big bucks for those.
I kinda like candy corns. I cap my canines and make fangs out of 'em. You know what sucks -- Three Musketteers. I hated getting those as a treat. WTF is the point!?!?
I'll take awkward moments with your boss for $800, Alex.
Alex: So, GG, I hear you got an interesting phone call this afternoon?
GG: Yeah, HR called to tell me that I had gotten a promotion (that comes with a raise)!
Alex: So, then what did you do?
GG: Well, I went to my boss's office to say, you know, "Thanks for the raise." And also to discuss a legitimate work-related question. But before I could say anything, I noticed something odd out of the corner of my eye on my boss's computer screen.
Alex: What was it?
GG: A video of my boss, in full barber-shop quartet regalia, singing his heart out.
Alex: Wow
GG: Yeah, Alex, wow.
Alex: So, how did you react to this?
GG: Well, Alex, there was a lot of stunned silence.
Alex: So, I take it your new promotion won't stop your ongoing job search.
GG: No, Alex, I think it's safe to say the job search continues.
Post a Comment