Happy Balogna Day! Based on some of the things he has said lately, I know ILL Mitch will enjoy today's celebration.
I wanted to put up a list of the ingrediants that are in the standard issue Oscar Mayer balogna, but that has proven hard to come by on the internet befroe catching my bus to work. Heaps of lists of what is in fresh, or the make it at home version of this food product, but nothing that explains how that pinkish substance gets its Zing.
WIth the failure to acquire the information I needed for today's post, I am going to turn you loose in a project lunch meyhem assignment.
For your lunch break today, I want you to pay attention to what is going on around you and report it back to the OWFL. This assignment will ahve you eavesdropping on those enjoying lunch around you.
Listen in on a conversation and report back to us:
1) the main topic of discussion
2) the viewpoints of the people involved
3) what they were eating
4) any good quotes
5) your thoughts about the people and conversation.
Hopefully with so many OWFL agents out there monitoring lunch conversations, we'll run in to a group of people talking about what goes in to a good bologna.
After letting us know what's going on with other folk, tell us what you're having for lunch.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
53 comments:
"It's all fucked up but its never boring, you know? Look at this. See that scar? She stabbed me with an icicle when she thought I kicked one of her spirit animals."
"What's a spirit animal?"
"Who the fuck knows? Ten stitches. But she keeps me on my toes...all eight of 'em. And when I'm with her, I'm alive.
I was thinking that MikeySunshine was going to tell me that the "some meat filler" in my Oscar Mayer was one of thohse big monkeys from the zoo.
I can already tell you what I will over hear at lunch today.
Young Russian porno movie sounds coming from Vlad's room. He says he's watching to make sure his sister is not getting exploit, but I think he just likes porno.
Lunch today, of course is baloney, which I would have had anyway, but now I am getting to say that I am celebrating.
Today is pay day in the world of the temp, so I'm thinking lobster and cavier at Georgia Browns. That close to the Whitehouse, I may just over hear some national secrets, or some political mudslinging. I am excited.
I think the bigger question is - is it baloney or bologna?
Did I spell those right? I've been looking at them too long, they've lost all meaning.
"flavor"
that's a good one. Isn't that kind of in everything?
MECHANICALLY SEPARATED CHICKEN, PORK, WATER, CORN SYRUP
so only the chicken is mechanically separated? how do the separate the pork? what kinda pork would not require separation? wait.. are they saying the chicken, pork, water AND cornsyrup are mechanically separated???
ARRGGGGGG... this has created more questions than it answered...
and what the fuck is "FLAVOR"
Maybe they mean it contains less than 2% flavor
extractives of paprika? why not use just plain old paprika? autolyzed yeast? does bologna need to rise? Wow, I haven't eaten bologna since I was 5 & I somehow doubt it will be making an appearance in my fridge anytime soon. I like how they have an ingredient list for one of the ingredients: e.g. SODIUM ERYTHORBATE (MADE FROM SUGAR). Wait. A salt was made from sugar? What kind of alchemy is Oscar Mayer practicing?
That is good stuff, notwitty.
I think I'm eating my spicy peanut asian-y glass noodle thing I made for dinner with my leftover steak the other night.
Hate. Blogger.
I wrote a response that I thought posted 30x, but it seems it posted none.
We call it Jumbo where I come from. For most of my childhood, I didn't know what people on TV were talking about when they said "Bologna" - my mom explained it to me at some point.
As for lunch convo, since it's me and Mr. Dirty Mitts, it will me him meowing his sickly little meow, and me yelling at him to get out of my food. But, as always, my answer to Number 5 is: I hate everyone.
Dunno what's for lunch today. I'm freezing, and still haven't procured wood delivery. I think GG must've scared them off good, so many years ago and now I'm destined to freeze to death.
Oh, and Jo - It's just like tomatoes.
Enjoy the jizim Peep. Keep it creamy.
notwitty!!
good to see you.
And HT were you laughing as hard as I was when he said the spirit animal line?
I almost woke the missus up to force her to watch it.
I won't be eating bologna today. Thinking about soup and a sandwich.
Maybe they have bean soup downstairs again.
hate everyone. hate today.
just had some leftover cous cous that i made. was good but destined to make another lunch stop later. probably some kind of soup. butternut squash or pumpkin would be nice to get into this fall chilly weather.
i will not overhear convos as i will probably be stuck at my desk.
I want chili but I have no idea where to go down here. Anyone have any suggestions? I would totally dig into a fried bologna and mashed tater sandwich today.
I eat lunch late...usually 2:30 or 3 when no one else is around...which is the way that I prefer it.
Back from Denver, bitches! Sorry I missed yesterday's all-star guest appearances.
Speaking of a bunch of bologna, Denver's a great town to get tanked in on a Sunday night. Probably other nights, too, but I focused my efforts on Sunday night.
I managed to screw up coming to work in numerous ways this morning:
1 - I set my alarm last night for 615PM, the realization of which fact came upon me at 845AM when I wondered why it was so light outside.
2 - Car was parked at office where I left it when I went to the airport last week so I had to Metro in, which I did very poorly. Some days you wouldn't know my job for the past three years has been to navigate this city. Fuckin' suburbs.
Got in around 11AM, and I am taking this lunch charge very seriously. I think I have some good overheard conversation karma flowing right now, based on some of the gems I passed along to anonymous eavesdroppers in the past three or four days.
i haven't had Bologna in years and years (and that's my answer, LT... boloney is when someone is bullshitting and Bologna is a food. there is no other way about it)... i used to take a slice of bologna and a slice of that single sliced cheese that came individually wrapped and roll them up together into a little sodium fun stick.. mmm those were so good... could be possibly the most unnatural ingredients possibly combined in a single snack..
eating lunch at my desk and taking a CBT on Building a Data Warehouse (that's why i have to fight off ladies with a stick you understand) and i am unable to hear any real conversations... later, i'll make some up.
anyway for lunch today was a chicken parm sandwich that fulfilled the purpose of providing me with calories and assorted vitamins. there was little else notable about it.
I was, Jo, I was.
I am highly unmotivated to do much of anything today.
I'm stuck at my desk for lunch, so not much conversation. I think 2 of the secretaries are mocking one of the other secretaries (which is kinda awesome cause I hate the mock-ee, too), but it's hard to hear. The gray cloth walls of my cubicle provide surprising good sound-proofing.
HT, I'm sorry about the wood situation. There's a vacant lot advertising firewood down the street from me--between Wendy's and the strip club. Maybe they can hook you up w/ some wood there?
Do National Bologna Day celebrations include Lebanon Bologna? That stuff's crazy tasty!
eating a club sandwich and bean soup at my desk.
the only conversation I can hear is the protestors across the street chanting and booing in unison.
I often find wood at strip clubs.
I probably won't overhear much lunchtime convo. Sigh! If I'm eating at my desk, people around me are usually working (or emailing, or blogging, etc) & not talking. If I'm out in the commons room (like I'm about to go to in 2 minutes), I will be in the midst of it, and therefore, by definition, not eavesdropping. I'm going to see if a) people are out there & b) I can turn the conversation around to bologna (thanks, M! I like that distinction). Oh, I just remembered, there are 2 chinese chicks in my office who eat lunch out there & talk. But it's in chinese, so I guess technically I'm eavesdropping, but about what? I don't know. Maybe someday I'll suffer a head injury that will render me suddenly fluent in mandarin.
EQ, your own or someone else's?
Met up with Lady Sunshine for a stroll to the temp agency to pick up my paycheck, then on to NY gormet for Grilled cheese.
The first conversation I listened to was:
3 DPW employees (department of public works) from DC. They were in traffic guiding gear with the bright yellow vests. I assumed they were just out there, assisting the traffic lights in and around Josephus' office, then they took a break before afternoon rush.
my report:
1) They were talking about doing your job with Pizazz
2) the viewpoints expressed seemed to feel that the big fellow needed more pizazz
3) They were eating by the pound from the steam tables. Looked like lots of chicken & some veggies
4)"Man, you like a dead fish out there."
5) I thought they were in a good mood and probably happy not to be out on the street in the wind and cold for alittle bit .
I also came through the Wyndham to use their hidden washroom and listened in on some convention goers.
1) soliciting donations from people
2) We need more donations.
3) they had empty little plates and toothpicks, it seemed to me like it was from a cheese and fruit platter, but could have been anything
4) No good quotes
5) I thought these people were jerks to the max.
Depends on the establishment, LT. Sometimes there is no wood on stage and no wood on me. Sometimes there is no wood on stage and wood on me. Sometimes there is wood on stage and no wood on me. Sometimes, there is wood on stage and wood on me.
I have found myself in almost all four situations.
I was going to try to turn this topic back to the topic of bologna. Then, I realized that I haven't strayed all that far.
About to start making lunch noises and eavesdropping.
Sunshine, are you implying that people asking for, and/or talking about donations are jerks? If so, I would advise you to please not open the email I just sent all of you.
I just had a conversation with Mr. Dirty Mitts. It went something like this:
Me: Don't eat so fast, you're going to throw up.
Him: [blank stare]
Me: I'm serious.
Him: [more speed eating]
Me: You're disgusting. Don't throw up on the carpet.
Him: MEEEEOOOOOWWWWW
I had a found peanut butter cookie (not stale yet, after all this time) for lunch. Soon I'm going to hop in the shower, then head to GG's to print some shit out, and perhaps swing by the wood pile and/or strip club. In truth, the kind of wood I'd find in a strip club will do me no good unless I can burn it for warmth, and well, charred flesh just don't smell all that great.
I Just read your solicitation email HT.
You're not a jerk to the max, nor are folks who are fundraising, just the assholes that I saw in the Wyndham
Okay, cool, MikeyS. I didn't want to be lumped in with conventioneers at the Wyndham.
My lunchtime conversation was almost entirely about America's Next Top Model. How could I change the subject to bologna??
In answer to the "what the hell is 'flavor' question". My understanding is that while companies are required to notify consumers of what's in their products, they're allowed one or two freebies. These usually are "natural flavor" or "artificial flavor". Looks like Oscar Meyer rolls with just "flavor". Usually it is an ingredient that sounds so horribly terrifying that they don't want to print the name. Something that would make AUTOLYZED YEAST seem like a walk in the park.
Oh and while I applaude sunshine's task, I had a doctors appt this morning and did not see the blog, so I was not prepared. However while waiting in the waiting room (the first waiting room not the second) i overheard someone going off on a customer service representive on the phone.
"I want to talk to your supervisor, this is ridiculous, we go through this every week..." Not sure what the details were but its always fun to listen in on a pissed off person.
I also overheard a latina woman with poor english skills going through some sort of cognitive test in the hallway, while I was in the second waiting room.
Read the letters now:
aaaaaaa, ceeeeee, eeeee (probably "I")
Now walk like this:
Laik deese?
No like this.
Deese?
I think I'm going to hit my pita place for some navy bean soup and the trifecta of salads.
I think I'm going to hit my pita place for some navy bean soup and the trifecta of salads.
Since I was in Dupont I grabbed an ultimo burrito, chicken.
It was good, but now i'm sleepy
So Watchdog, let me make you a Turd sandwich for lunch tomorrow.
Ingredients:
White bread (toasted)
Mayonase
Lettuce
American cheese
'Natrual flavor'
Salt
Pepper.
Here is my lunchtime overheard converstion (some liberties were taken with the parts i don't remember)
1) . . . so what did you do?
2) Well obviously I had to hide it
1) Yeah but how could you get it by everyone there
2) It wasn’t too hard really… it was just a matter of folding it back up and concea
fuck blogger! i'm not anonymous..
Here is my lunchtime overheard converstion (some liberties were taken with the parts i don't remember)
1) . . . so what did you do?
2) Well obviously I had to hide it
1) Yeah but how could you get it by everyone there
2) It wasn’t too hard really… it was just a matter of folding it back up and concealing it in my pant leg.
1) Gross. It didn’t stain anything?
2) No… I was wearing black and since I had just come out of the rain it wasn’t noticable.
1) Thank god
2) Yeah.
1) Well your wife is going to be pissed.
2) Yeah but that’s okay… after what happened when we were in belize she owes me this one.
1) Oh yeah… what ever happened with miguel?
2) Migeul who?...
(chilling out to Earlimart's "Everyone Down Here"... another wonderful album you should buy immediately.. i highly suggest the track "We Drink on the Job")
M, that's a good one.
More questions raised than answered.
How fun.
What if "It" was a bloody finger?
Or a half dead canary
Or used gum?
And Miguel, that is brilliant. He was probably a male prostitute from Belize
So, I went with a bowl of chili and a grilled cheese sandwich from the joint next door, which is almost always disappointing, unless I'm fishing with that combo. I also got the hot roasted peas and made sure they were hot before I bought them this time.
I made the mistake of eating lunch with a number of other people, so there wasn't much in the way of eavesdropping. Instead, I offer you this snippet from our lunch conversation:
"I paint my toenails, everything. I paint the walls. I'm silly. They call me rubberneck."
That "I'm Silly" line reminds me of the Jerkey boys.
Something about using a tennis ball machine to shoot potatoes up each other's butts because,
"We're silly like that, and in to some wierd shit"
From the NYTimes:
Rachael Ray Gives the Gift of Time
By DAVID CARR
At the unveiling of the new Hearst building in Manhattan some weeks ago, there was a magical moment when two sturdy media icons, Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart, ended up chatting with one another. Each occupies a singular place in American cultural consciousness: Ms. Winfrey, with her bootstrap message of personal empowerment, and Ms. Stewart, with her relentless pursuit of steely domestic perfection (she dismissed prison time as if it were a fallen soufflé).
But there was a runway between them big enough to land another behemoth: Rachael Ray, who’s probably best known for giggling her way through 30-minutes recipes on the Food Network.
Compared to Ms. Winfrey and Ms. Stewart, it is easy to dismiss Ms. Ray as a confection. But as a businesswomen, she is ditzy like a fox. While other start-up magazines wither, Everyday With Rachael Ray, published by Reader’s Digest North American Publishing, is exploding, with a promised circulation of 1.7 million by next year. As an author, Ms. Ray has few peers, with 16 cookbooks that have total sales of nearly five million.
Her “30 Minute Meals” is the highest rated show on the Food Network and with the addition of her other shows about budget travel and dining, more than 11 million viewers watch her every week. Last month, she took her down-home ethic beyond the kitchen, coming up with a general interest five-day-a-week talk show, “Rachael Ray,” which had the highest rated debut of any show since “Dr. Phil.” Those are some big numbers for a woman that was doing in-store cooking demonstrations a little more than five years ago.
Whatever is at work here, it isn’t just the food. Ms. Ray’s ad-hoc kitchen ways — spices measured by the palm and mistakes covered up with more olive oil — represent a sharp departure from the aspiration that drives most cooking shows and magazines. She prepares food on the fly that actual civilians can make and eat, an approach that people with serious culinary backgrounds generally find unbearable; they see it as a plague of locusts served over a bed of toads in runny sauce.
OPRAH taught us we can be better human beings. Martha taught us we can do better than is humanly possible. And Ms. Ray? She thinks better is overrated. Now, you want some nachos and a cold one to go with that?
In an interview, Ms. Ray conceded some of the criticisms that trigger her harshest detractors’ gag reflexes — that she is a clumsy cook, smiles too much and has less than demure hands.
“It’s all true and I can’t do much about it at this point,” she said by phone. “I am doing programming that goes into people’s homes and kitchens, about their kids and their pets, really personal stuff, and not everybody is going to like what I do.
“When I first heard from the Food Network, I told them that I was beer in a bottle and they are champagne, but it worked out,” she said. “I’m too loud one day and giggle too much next, or flub the intro, but what I do is not about technique. I need a story to go with the burger. People want to relax a little.”
Standing in line to watch the taping of her daytime show near Grand Central Station last Wednesday, a trio of women who had driven in from Long Island talked about how “natural” and “down to earth,” Ms. Ray was. Ann Marchesiello suggested Ms. Ray’s time-saving idea of placing a garbage bowl next to the cutting board may be, “the greatest thing in the world.”
Corey Champeau drove down from Connecticut to watch with her husband, Matt, a testament to how Ms. Ray, who once posed in lingerie licking a spoon for the men’s magazine FHM, draws across genders. Ms. Champeau tunes in for the tips and recipes, while Mr. Champeau said, unlike most kitchen goddesses, “she’s the kind of girl you could actually ask out.” (Actually you can’t: she’s married. And so are you.)
Just then, chef and bon vivant Anthony Bourdain came ambling down the block, stopping by for some voice-over work for his show on the Travel Channel. Rather than toe the chef’s line that Ms. Ray is a perky philistine who is not so much democratizing dining as dumbing it down, he said her appeal had nothing to do with cooking or food.
“This is about a very recognizable, comfortable person, someone we all think we know, the sort of dream mom or sister we never had,” he said, calibrating his words. “People are attracted to her warm, if strident, embrace of the familiar.”
But Ms. Ray’s folksy approach belies the sophistication of her message. She is part of the cut-to-the-chase genre of media, like Lucky, Domino and Real Simple magazines, and their success is built on this fact of modern life: if people are more secure economically, it is only because they are working longer and harder than ever before. Lifestyle porn is fine and all — who wouldn’t want to have that epic downtown loft in Architectural Digest or those lemon caper calamari steaks in Gourmet? — but even if you can afford the ingredients, you can’t afford the time to conjure them before dinner.
Ms. Ray’s recipes may call for store-bought turkey loaf but she is really trafficking in the ultimate modern luxury: time. Other magazine cover lines promise to make you fit in 30 days or give you better orgasms in six steps. The latest Everyday With Rachael Ray promises “Fall Style: lazy weekends, comfort food, easy entertainment.” Inside, there are “Messes and Successes,” a shopping list that includes frozen fish sticks and a food shot that includes a can — the horror! — of beef broth, plain as day. The pitch for her show in the magazine pretty much sums the ethos up, suggesting viewers will “realize that life just doesn’t have to be that hard.”
Of course, life is plenty hard, which is why a woman who tends to find succor in a slurp of store-bought pasta is hitting a sweet spot. That may not meet Ms. Stewart’s definition of a good thing, but Rachael Ray’s fans know that, after a long day, it’s all good.
that article is YUM-O!
Umm... Thanks HT?
I just read that whole thing, which is tough since, I'm trying to duck being seen and being at my desk is the first place for people to look.
I thought somewhere in there I would read about her brilliant Bologna solutions, or that you overheard this article being read.
You tell em peep.
I'll go as far as to say that I hate all that home and self improvement crap on tv.
At this point we have already lost TLC to dainty dumb shows (remember Junkyard Wars? That used to be awesome) What's next? ESPN becomes the Everybody Sews Pillows Network?
mikeysunshine: indeed, the Jerky Boys reared their head this weekend, and much of my lunchtime conversation revolved around it. I might have to break down and purchase their first album just to get it out of my system.
And, ht, that article was entirely too long to hold my attention past "magical moment."
Thank goodness for wasabi peas.
ray/oprah/stewart: Amen brother peep! and HT too (although much more eloquently).
dialogue: i think the guy had bologna in his pants and Miguel was the name of their houseboy who ate their bologna while they were on vacation.
Treble and Tremble: beauty. you need to get out of a rut, ask me for suggestions!
miso: go home and paint. now.
notwitty: i apologize i reread your comment three times and each time thought you said "I can fuck up a kitten faster than anyone" and i admit i did laugh.
oh and i lost to miso in fantasy football yesterday. she started trent green and decided not to start one RB and one TE.
god i suck.
Especially when you imagine it inside of a red star burst sticker on the side of a new food processor.
meh, miso'll never know.. she works too much and will never get internet at home, the gods have deemed it so.
Che Guevera? Huh, I was thinking of the soft chewy candy...
It took me forever, but even I got my internet hooked up. And it only took like an hour and a half on the phone with Verizon last night. I didn't eat until 8:30! It was horrible!
Huh. I just did a google image search on 'guerilla bologna' & a bunch of pictures from some italian festival came up, not the least of which was this one. Hee hee!
69 dude!
comments anyone?
"Longer, thicker lashes are an ubiquitous sign of beauty. Eyelash transplantation does for the eyes what breast augmentation does for the figure," said Dr Alan Bauman, a leading proponent of eyelash transplants.
yeah, i really don't want to be working right now.
Oh, no, Mr. Dirty Mitts - I have plenty to do! What I need is more motivation!
I think I'll get those eyelash implants. I get so jealous when I overhear guys in a bar saying "Get a load of her lash" or "What I wouldn't do to get a piece of that lash" or "She got the ba-donk-ba-donk lash like J-Lo".
Post a Comment