Exerpt from an email I recently received:
"it was by far the worst lunch-date i have ever been on. we went to The Cantina because while not my favorite place, it was half way between our offices, and i cannot believe a guy this attractive has gotten this far in life with those table matters. not only did he have both arms on the table and hover like i was going to steal something, he had stuff on his chin, spoke with his mouth full, ate the food that he dropped in his lap, and the worst part was that he actually picked food off of my plate without asking. who does that? it was totally disgusting, i wouldn't be surprised if he didn't wash his hands in the bathroom."
So lets hear it, what was the worst lunch-time table manners you have witnessed?? Was it a co-worker? a date? a friend? YOURSELF???
Personally I am guilty of post-lunch flossing at my desk which aggrivates the hell out of "the boss". What are your nasty lunch-time habits??
And don't forget WFL???
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50 comments:
Wait. So it is considered improper to use two hands at lunch, to eat the food that dropped in my lap, and to take from my date's plate? Dang, no wonder I can't land a lady.
Now I've never gone on a lunch date with somebody who I am trying to make an ipmression on. All my lunch dates have been with ladys I'm already involved with. So i've never been too concerned with my behavior and manners on a lunch date.
However, my advice would be to stay away from finger food that leaves a carcass. No hot wings, no shrimp, no oysters.
No date today, but Ima go to the New York Deli and get a Gulliani. that's turkey, ham, bacon, and beansprouts on a little loaf of bread baked just for my sandwich.
The El Azteco owner, Art, has provided lots of material for me when contributing to the blog. And he is also the source of my example of worst luncher ever.
Back in the day, my girlfriend's best friend was dating Art, she was 19 and he was somewhere in his late 40's I wager.
Said "barely legal girl" who was dating my boss hosted a BBQ at her Dad's house, and Art and myself were on the invite list. Art arrived with his usual big bushy push broom Juan Valdez-style mustache.
He was eating ribs and corn on the cob. It was bad enough that chunks of corn and meat were falling out of his mouth as he ate, but that big bushy mustache literally was soaked in BBQ sauce, with chunks of corn interspersed throughout. It was if he were saving the flavor experience for later.
That image of his stache still haunts me, and I don't know how "barely legal" girl managed to continue dating him for over a year after that scene.
And nice post Miu!
Lunch today will likely be a salad in the cafeteria, and slipping outside to enjoy another beautiful day in the nation's capitol.
I have a problem with food dripping on myself. I'm pretty careful, I just can't seem to not get stuff on me when I eat. Seriously, I'll do the full lean with napkin in place, but I'll still manage to spatter or drop something. Siiiiigh.
Did anyone see that old SNL with Robert Wagner as the handsome man who had absolutely no table manners? He was all suave when he talked & stuff, but by the end he was covered in food, like a 1-year-old with chocolate cake. Classic!! Ah, I love Robert Wagner.
A friend of mine was telling me about this awful date where the guy was all slobby plus he ate his caesar salad with his mouth open. But wait! It gets worse: At the end of the meal, she had gotten a big cookie for dessert & he took a chunk of it (can't remember if he asked or not) & when she went to eat more, it tasted like caesar dressing. EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, I went to this wedding where there was cocktail hour before the ceremony, complete with passed hors d'oeuvres. I went for a crab cigar thingie, dipped it in the sauce & it was like slo-mo - as I'm bringing it to take a bite, I can see this drop of sauce about to fly off. So I thought (in slo-mo still) "I can either stop my hand so the drop will fall to the floor or I can try to make it to my mouth in time." Guess which option I chose. And guess what happened. Yes! My pale yellow silk dress (high necked in front, so not even a chance of hitting skin!) had a splotch right between my boobs. Before the ceremony even started. For the rest of the night. You can see it in all the pictures, thought I tried to hold my cocktail up between my boobs for the rest of the night - very natural. Luckily, everyone got so trashed, nobody cared. Alcohol alcohol alcohol white light!!
I'll refer to what I call the Nate Smith principle. In middle school, my buddy Nate was quite a player. and he couldn't settle on one girl, but he also couldn't bring himself to break up with a girl. So he reasoned that if he was a shitty boyfriend, the girl would break up with him.
Using the Nate Principle, has anybody tried to be intentionally sloppy so as to force a date to go downhill?
I've never intentionally tried to make a date go sour, but I was dating a girl who was very cause oriented and a vegetarian, so when we went out, I would make a point of getting the most in your face meat meal, and enjoying every bite of it.
MS, so you'd get like veal? Or foie gras?
I don't think I've ever tried to be extra sloppy just so a date would crash & burn . . . I guess I just haven't been out on that many dates that I hoped would crash & burn . . . . I've done other stuff to try to get a guy off my back, though.
I am pleased to report that either a) I didn't not spill or slop anything down my front (ravioli with tomato sauce) or b) you just can't see it, b/c it's a red & white shirt with a flower pattern. Either way, huzzah!
LT - You didn't go for any "Hart to Hart" puns with the splotch between your breasts. Clearly this is a missed opportunity, Jo can I get a call on this one?
Regardless, we had roasted chicken breast with Alfredo so in about 2 hours yours-truly will be totally incapacetated.
My name is dizkonekid and I am a lactard.
I'm sorry but that ends up being a sore point with me and I get ridiculed for it. Which leads me to the worst thing you can do at a dinner table and my brother in law does all the time, and makes me want to puke, which is laughing with your mouth open and food in your mouth. urrrk!
Cheers all, I'm going in for a fourth test here in 15 minutes or so.
Nice work turtle.
Lunch today took a turn on the way to the deli. i ended up elsewhere, so lunch today was an order of hot wings and a turkey sandwich and a cup of some really good chicken noodle soup.
I know what veal is, but what's foie gras?
I can't remember any bad lunch dates off the top of my head right now. I did have Mr. Uni's uncle tell me that I was a "pretty healthy eater"...he wasn't referring to the type of food though but more of the large quantities...in my defense I was at the Old Country Buffet in BF western NY. Doesn't buffet mean stuff your face??? Oh, and this is all from the man who likes to get to the buffet around 10:30am so he can get breakfast and by the time he is done with that meal they start putting out the lunch items...it's a twofer!
Turkey sandwich on wheat w/fixins.
i had a great comment an hour ago, and i got booted from blogger. there's also too much work.
love yinz!
Foie gras is like pate (the ground up liver delicacy), except that they've force-fed the geese so the liver will get extra fat & tender. It's sublime. And guaranteed to piss off hard-core veggies more than veal.
Fat Goose liver, ground up? It must be classy cuz it sounds real gross.
Hey, no worse than soured milk, aged for a year.
Mmmm . . . year old sour milk . . .
Lunch was free. Some kind of hummus veggie thing, roasted veggies and potatoes. They had meat items there, but I didn't opt for any of them because I was in a hurry. Oh, and I had some kind of pineapple coconut bar thing that was pretty tasty.
Oh yeah, I totally forgot: lunch was soy & cheese ravioli with an arrabiata sauce. I was starting to get hungry almost immediately, so now I'm eating some of the (fresh, mom-made) asparagus soup I brought in yesterday. I'm going to try not to eat the whole thing today since it's cream soup. Yummmmmmm.
Yesterday I went & got a smoothie from this new place around the corner (Robek's, I think it's called?). I got the 'infinite orange'. It tasted like an Orange Julius. Delish! But expensive.
Ha, Miu! I feel ya! I have a black cardigan that I leave at the office, ostensibly in case I get cold, but really, I can put it on over a minor food accident or it buttons all the way up so I could change into it if I had a really bad food accident.
ONly lunch date that comes to mind is one at a shortlived Brewery in downtown Lansing, MI that was trying to be sort of upscale. For the first 5 minutes after we sat down my lunch date looked really uncomfortable and wouldn't say much. Then she whispered something to the waiter who promptly brought her a paper napkin. She put it up to her mouth and spit a wad of chewing gum into it, crumpled it up and delicately placed it on the table. "Sorry," she giggle, "I didn't want to keep chewing that gum at the table!! This place is pretty classy." I smiled at her, and reassured her that she was indeed a classy young lady, but for the rest of the meal I couldn't stop staring at the crumpled napkin that the waiter for some unkown reason refused to remove.
Curry chicken wrap and a tomato & cucumber salad from Marvelous Market. I ate outside. Beautiful day.
The real question JV is after you spit it up, did you suck it down?
Mormons make good designated drivers. And who doesn't enjoy a nice visit from the 18 year old "Elders"?
I had two dogs with everything and fries and an RC. AGAIN! Am I the only OWFL-er who eats hot dogs constantly? I hate myself. I feel greasy.
And Jo, you suck it UP not down.
Jade you sucked up the sausages?
I had (still have, really) a good friend in HS who was Mormon & she was just about the only "good" Mormon at my school - the rest were the biggest boozers & humpers & smokers - kind of like Catholic school girls. So I missed out on one of the best things of the Mormon friend (the DD) b/c I went to HS in Germany, and driving age is 18 (she would go out to bars & stuff, she was just the only person there drinking oj or Fanta as a drink, not a mixer). And then she went to BYU & lived in Boston after college, so it's not like we ever went out after HS, except for the occasional dinner to catch up. Sigh!
Yeah Peep, The Blue Coyote...
Miu knows about the Mormons.
That's the Czar's job miu...
My friend knew I was a drunk. For awhile I would try to shock her with tales of liquor & hooking-up (just all in fun, not to make her really uncomfortable), but she was relatively unshockable. In fact, she told me this joke once: An older (which I'm sure was like 32 when we told this joke when we were all of 17) woman is itching down there & goes to the dr. Before he examines her, he asks her age (old! 32!) & her sexual history. She says "I've never been with a man, I'm saving myself for marriage." So the dr. examines her and then he says "Yeah, you're a virgin. Your cherries rotting, you've got fruit flies."
EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
LT, I have no response to that "joke".
Joke time!
Q. What's the difference between a women's running club and a tribe of Pygmies?
A. One is a group of cunning runts...
rimshot
A little girl runs out to the yard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"
Her startled father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs.
He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams... and, he thinks -- what the hell -- and goes on to tell her the works.
He covers a wide assortment of topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge.
Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"
"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
So a rich guy walks in to a bar with a beautiful woman and a little man with a little piano. A barfly sees this and asks the guy about it. The man said he found a genie's lamp and rubbed it and he got 3 wishes. Barfly says well I can see the riches and the hot woman, but what's with the little guy?
The genie heard me wrong on the last wish. You really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?
My friend would tell that joke all the time in college, except the punchline was . . . "Ouch". And he would mix it up. 2 guys walk into a bar, a lesbian walks into a bar, a priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar, etc. He would tell it like 20 times in a row and somehow it got funny by about the 15th time. I wonder how he did that.
Or 12 inch prick. Take your pick.
Who picks prick?
Watch yo mouth!
My favorite joke EVER. Some of you have heard me tell this in person:
So two cannibals are eating a clown and one turns to the other and says, "does this taste funny to you?"
Ha ha. Ha ha. That joke never gets old.
My favorite joke used to be: Did you hear about the rabbi who didn't charge for circumcisions? He only took tips.
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! I know, it has nothing to do with lunch.
Don't skimp or pass on eating lunch
Jeez, I pop back over here at the end of day and it's a regular Joke-a-Day calendar.
Here, I don't like to tell this joke in person, but I think some of you have heard me tell it when I've gotten drunk enough to shed my prudish exterior. It's kind of about lunch:
A little boy comes into the kitchen one day and says to his mom,
"Grandma's got a shrimp!" The mother says, "What on earth do you mean?!"
The boy takes his mother into the front room and shows him Grandma, buck naked asleep on the sofa. He points to Grandma's protruding clitoris and says, "Grandma's got a shrimp!" His mother whispers, "That's your Grandmother's clitoris son!" To which the little boy replies...."Well, it tastes like a shrimp!"
rimshot.
Rim job?
Spunky?
Not anymore.
And, with that, I logged Comment 69 of the day.
Watchdog is up tomorrow folks!
HT, that joke is totally repugnant.
Oh, I know it is, Jade. I seriously can't tell it in person. Even drunk, I have to hide my face. Which, is saying something.
I live with a guy who eats like a horse. No, I'm being absolutely 100% honest here. The fact that the 20 other people I live with say the same thing means I'm not exagerating.
You see, aparently he needs more oxygen than the rest of us, so while he's chewing with his mouth open he's gulping down air like he's about to drown. This is ontop of his Mr. Ed like jaw movements when he chews that make more noise than I thought humanly possible.
You'd think that the Oedipus like crush on his mom would lead to better table manners. No wonder he's still a virgin. =/
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