Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Humiliating Lunches

OK, Let's try this again. I posted this last week, but we got multiple posts on the same day, so I opted to take mine down and repost it another day.

All through grade school and middle school I brought my lunch rather than eat the hot lunch provided by the cafeteria at Glencairn Elementary or Hannah Middle School. Once I was in high school and had the option of going out to eat, I spent most of my lunch hours at Taco Bell or Jersey Giant. But during my early formative years my beloved mom, Coco, would pack my lunch for me and it almost always consisted of the same thing: a sandwich on white bread with mustard, an individual serving size bag of chips, one of a variety of Little Debbie type treats and either a New York seltzer or a can of pop and a little love note from my momma. Coco likes junk food and she felt no need to deny her children it and make a pretense at packing a healthy lunch we wouldn't eat. My friends always thought my lunches were great and would try to trade portions with me. But seriously, there was no way I was going to trade a bag of Jay's potato sticks for a couple wilted carrots or swap my star crunch for a baggy of green grapes.

I told Coco one day how there was one boy who always particularly wanted my lunches and would anticipate the days selection with great glee. She thought it was uproariously funny. A couple days later, I was walking to the lunch room at Hannah and broke with the normal routine and peeked into my bag before sitting down. Thank God I did, because right on top was a little baggy of dog bones tied with a ribbon. I was horrified. Was Coco calling me a dog? The most awful of all put down in 1987. I covertly discarded the dog treats before sitting down, but I was rattled.

When I got home, I furiously confronted Coco about the insult. She apologized profusely and told me that she thought it would have been funny if I had handed the dog treats to Denver [the boy infatuated with my lunches] and said, "here, my mom packed a little treat for you." Yes, she was right, it would have been funny. IF she had let me in on the joke in the first place. As it turned out, I just thought Coco was calling me a dog and suffered a humiliating lunch in silence.

Any one else ever humiliated by their lunch?

And of course, WFL today?

47 comments:

Josephus said...

I was a hot lunch kid 99% of the time. I'd bring my envelope in every week with my lunch and juice/milk choices checked all through elementary.

At MacDonald Middle School it continued but things got more exciting with the advent of the Salad Bar. Changed my life. There also was the trusty once a month Pizza day that every kid went crazy for.

In high school I ate in the cafeteria for the first two years before getting into the habit of hitting Pizza hut or driving with friends to Mc Donald's for the triple cheeseburger (you could order it with everything because they were trying to match Burger King's "Have it your way" campaign). We also would sometimes get adventurous and head out to Okemos to The Traveller's Club for lunch. This was done on days when we weren't expected back for afternoon classes (which was often).

The only "embarrassing" story I remember from those days was one day in partivular when I ate in the High School cafeteria and sat with the fellas. I sat across from my friend, "Vlad Roonyasith" (name changed). Anyway I was feeling a little frisky and decided to start bothering my good friend, who was quietly enjoying his milk and lunch, by beginning a rant on how disgusting it was for humans to drink animal milk. It got as bad as you can expect a 17 yr old Josephus to take it (think about rico's sour cream phobia, I was in that territory). "Vlad" who was getting angrier, more embarrassed and more disgusted with each sentence exploded in rage and threw his milk and tray at me, covering me with, well cow's milk. Everyone laughed raucously and my initial rage soon turned to laughter, as did Vlad's.
I cleaned up and we all agreed to blow off the afternoon playing John Elway's Football at Pinball Pete's.

Not sure WFL yet. I guess I should get to work first.

LizTurtle said...

My dental appt this afternoon reminds me of my teeth turning orange once when I ate a whole bag of baby carrots. Like, popsicle orange. I don't think the hygenist believed me when I said that's what I had been eating that morning.

Jada said...

Traveler's Club! I loved that place. I used to love to go to their Mongolian Barbeque on Sundays, it was such a novel idea before all those Mongolian Barbeque restaurants started popping up all over the place. It was also the place where I first discovered the delights of babaganoush.

Vlad Roonyasith? How the hell do you come up with this stuff, Jo?

Pinball Pete's is still in my top 10 favorites places in EL. My brother and I make a stop there after every excursion to El Azteco.

Jada said...

No one loves El Az as much as me. NO ONE.

The Doctor said...

We had a closed campus in HS. There was this little nun who used to patrol the cafeteria, Sr. Margaret Hillary. That poor woman. I know it was a lot of people, but the only person I can remember is Holt (sorry, I’m getting a little esoteric with Peep here). Most of the student body would scream “Jay Leno!!!!” at her every single time she came into sight. EVERY TIME. She quit. I bet she ended up needing professional help. Teenagers should be beaten within a inch of their lives on a regular basis.

I want a simple sandwich and a cup of coffee for lunch. Maybe ham. Might see what Brian's can do for me.

LizTurtle said...

Our HS was too small to have a cafeteria, so we could leave grounds if we wanted. Which, in retrospect, was pretty cool. You could go make out down by the river if you wanted. There was this little place next door to us where this cute old Philipino guy worked (or is it Filipino when you're talking about people?), but he couldn't pronounce v's - he said them like w's. One time my order number was 77. "Sewenty sewen! Sewenty sewen!" Aw. That old guy was so cute.

LizTurtle said...

Had leftover pasta & meatballs (not homemade meatballs - though sauce was). Am now way too full. Ugh. Should have split up the leftovers into 3 containers, not 2. Oh, and spattered tomato sauce all over my shirt, so that's just par for the course, I guess.

LizTurtle said...

Uuuuuuh . . . no. {hang head}

Jada said...

I used to do naughty things in the woods behind our school at lunchtime, but it did not include making out.

The Doctor said...

I think that explains a lot, Rico.

Lunch boxes:
Star Wars (metal)
Dukes of Hazzard (metal)
GI Joe (plastic)

Josephus said...

Jade used to hang out on "The Hill" with the stoners. Those kids had no ambition.

Ham & swiss from Potbelly for lunch. They forgot my hot peppers.

I love Orangina.

LizTurtle said...

You're welcome, James. Glad I could brighten your day. Thanks for dredging up old memories of how I didn't make out with anyone all that much. Siiiiiigh . . . . I grew up in NoVA on & off, but HS was in Germany (Dad was diplomat). So the upside was that I can say I've been hanging out at bars since I was 14. Well, 13, really, since we moved there about a month before my birthday. ;-p I am so cool.

Josephus said...

Orangina has fruit juice!

I had a cherry coke float last night.

so good.

I really want an Orange Julius right now.

LizTurtle said...

Jo, are there any Orange Juliuii around these parts? Mmmmm . . . I love me some OJ.

HaterTot said...

I had Orange Julius just yesterday at the Annapolis Mall. It's all fancy now, like they're competing with Smoothie King and Jamba Juice or something.

Jada said...

Strawberry Julius ruled.

It is not possible to love El Az more than me. I will challenge you to a salsa eating contest and you will lose, lose, lose. By the way, can you get me that recipe?

I still have no ambition, and would spend my lunches smoking on the hill, if I could.

Josephus said...

Olive burgers are proof of G_d's existence. The missus makes them every three months or so. And it's been over three months...
The bride will love them.
I still pull into closed Hot and Now restaurants just to pretend to order an Olive burger double deluxe. I miss Hot and Now.

I haven't seen an Orange Julius anywhere in these parts LT. Annapolis seems far to go for one.

LizTurtle said...

We had another Phillipino guy who worked at my school named Robert Lowe. This guy couldn't pronounce r's or l's. So when we'd see him, we'd always go "Mistew Wobewt Wowe!" We didn't mean it meanly & he didn't take it that way. He was a real nice guy, too. He would let you use the Xerox machine - for non-school-related stuff!

Josephus said...

What the hell is LT going on about?

Jada said...

Hot and Now, Jo? I have always refered to them as Rotten Cow.

Josephus said...

Shut up stoner!

Jada said...

I had some leftover stuffed manicotti I made last night and a chicken Italian sausage and a bunch of the most divine strawberries I've had in ages. It was all so good, I want to have second helpings of everything even though I am not hungry. Luckily, I don't have any more here at the office with me. It's days like this that I marvel that I'm not fat. Sometimes I just want to eat and eat for the pure pleasure of it. I love lunch.

Josephus said...

By the way, despite the best efforts of James Vernor and the bride I did indeed enjoy a delicious relish tray this weekend.

On Sunday night the missus and I went to whole foods and picked up four different cheeses, an assortment of olives and four selections from the deli.
We then watched Broken Flowers and a pointless film called Redeye.

Whole Foods brand Cherry Vanilla soda is delicious.

The Doctor said...

Jo, I rented the exact same double feature last week! Wow Redeye was bad.

If my calculations are correct--and I think that they are--there are just a little less than 2,000 calories in this bad of peanut m&ms I just bought. Easter candy already at the Osco. I said to the gal at the register "Can you believe this? We're still in ordinary time, for christ's sake."

"Cash back?"

"Yeah, $20."

Jada said...

Have you ever had Dr. Brown's black cherry soda, Jo? I think it might be my second favorite behind Vernor's, with RC rounding out the top 3.

Josephus said...

I have seen but never tasted Dr. Brown's Jade. I will make it a point to find some in the near future.
I haven't had RC is at least fifteen years.

Josephus said...

Jade do you remember Marino's Cookie Company?

I still dream about that place.
I've never been able to truly embrace Melting Moments since Marino's shut down.

The Doctor said...

That was the Squirt plant, wasn't it, Peep? I don't like Vernors.

I seem to recall that RC has significantly less caffeine than Coke or Pepsi.

I feel icky.

Jada said...

There is a grocery store in East Lansing that gives you free pop while you shop. Pop while you shop, that should be their slogan.

By the way Peep, I forgot to tell you yesterday that The Bagel has fresh squeezed OJ. I love that place.

Josephus said...

Country Market was great.

JADE MARINO'S COOKIE CO.!!!

Whole Foods Ginger ale hasn't got shit on Vernors.

4:34 PM

Jada said...

Oh my God, Marino's cookies were killer. I'm not the biggest fan of Melting Moments, either. For really great ice cream, it's all about the MSU Dairy. I used to like to get two kids cones, 1 black cherry and 1 chocolate, and then smash them together and hold the cones as one. A double scoop was just WAY too much. Coral Gables is also a secret treasure for amazing homemade ice cream. I used to make monstorous sundaes for myself when I worked there.

Josephus said...

I went to Coral Gables a grand total of one time growing up.

I really want a fresh out of the oven Chocolate Chunk Cookie right now.

The Doctor said...

I don't think so...I suppose I could be wrong, but I think Vernors is what thems east siders drink.

Don't trust anyone east of kalamazoo.

Josephus said...

Don't worry Dipso, we mid-Michiganders and easterners know better than to trust you westside Amway freaks.

Jada said...

The church with all the flags?

HaterTot said...

When I was a kid, the school psychologist once took me to this place to have me tested to see if I was psychic. I remember them asking me to identify cups of cola, not by tasting them, but rather by looking at them. I couldn't fathom what the third option even was, until they told me it was something called RC. When I went home and told my mom about it, my dad explained that RC was Meathead's favorite soda. This meant nothing to me. I think I've tasted it once. It's as weird and inferior to me as Vernor's.

The Doctor said...

Do not make me call in a Calvinist.

Josephus said...

I love the Church with all the flags! I think they're Mormon!
We are a multi-faith and ethnic community!

Amway owns the entire westside!
Nothing goes down without the approval of the DeVos and Van Andel families! And you must worship the Amway G_d or be deported!

The Doctor said...

Me Ted?

The Doctor said...

Meet Ed??

HaterTot said...

All In the Family, people.

Does anyone else find that dipso/peep on-blog interaction might as well be occurring in Esperanto? I never know what the fuck the two of you are talking about.

Josephus said...

Freudian slip!!! Jade called church a crutch!

Josephus said...

Isn't G_d the way you're supposed to write it?

The Doctor said...

Meet Ed??

The Doctor said...

Olive burger and tater tots goin' on here.

Jada said...

I prefer Yahweh.

HaterTot said...

STOP IT!! YOU ARE ALL SO RANDOM!!!