Pavlov's Lunch

Every now & then in my office we have meetings at lunchtime to update us on what's going on in the firm, financial results for the last month/quarter/year/whatever, important announcements, etc. These meetings usually involve free lunch (free in the financial sense, certainly not in any other sense) (yes, it's bribery & it works . . . to a point). Usually it's pizza , but occasionally it's some packaged lunch, like we had last time, with a sandwich (choice of turkey on croissant, roast beef on something, tuna wrap, and something else), plus pasta salad, fruit salad, cookies, chips, and a pickle (HUGE lunch!). We all love the lunch that is (financially) free, but what about the other costs? I've gotten to the point where the thought of a free lunch sort of makes me shudder, because I know I'm going to have to sit through some meeting filled with yapping & dilbert-isms & boooooooooooringness. So what's your pavlovian response to free lunches? Do you power through it by thinking about sex? Do you avoid it all together, hiding in your cube, b/c a free lunch just ain't worth the pain of the meeting? Do you go to the meeting, but have an involvuntary response of vague headache & heavy eyelids every time you eat a turkey & brie on croissant ever again? And WFL on this fine last day of November?

In the beginning…there was lunch.

The contributors to this blog spend a great portion of their daily lives talking about lunch, thinking about lunch, and of course eating lunch, and then talking about how that lunch went.

But have we ever thought about the lunch that started it all, that lunch being the very first one that you can remember. Surely there are hundreds, if not thousands, of lunches you had when you were little, but simply can’t recall. Somewhere in that brain of ours is the first lunch. Like all early memories it should appear in soft focus, with the latest Enya album playing softly in the background, and everything moves a bit slower.

For me it was in an elementary school cafeteria. I got served a fish sandwich with some goo on it. I asked the lunch-lady man what it was, and he said it was tartar sauce, and I had better eat it. I took a bite, and that tartar sauce was greeted as an alien invader, I quickly gagged and spit out my bite. I didn’t touch tartar sauce again until my 20’s. I suppose I remember that tartar sauce experience due to the horrible traumatic effect.



Another early lunch I can recall had nothing to do with lunch itself, but I know it was in the cafeteria during lunch-time. A spider was dangling from the ceiling over my friend’s head, and when I told him to “Watch out!!” he looked up and the spider dropped right into his mouth. It seems to good to be true, but that’s what my head remembers having happened.

Those early lunches were a time of wide-eyed wonderment, when every meal involved taking a big risk, so you had better strap in and take the G's.

What is the first lunch that you can remember? What about other exciting “first” lunches? And pretend you have amnesia, what’s your “original” lunch going to be today?

Sorry GG

I am famished. Last night's left over lo mein did nothing to slake my hunger today.
Lunch begins in 17 minutes, what pray tell does this community suggest that we eat for lunch?

You Deserve a Medal.

jo asked, nay, ordered me to keep this up as a common place to collect our post-thanksgiving comments (which, fear not, are just as relevant at this date as on Friday). So once again, tell us what made your thanksgiving different from everyone else’s? If you have already answered that or had a vanilla whitebread holiday, tell us of some of your more imaginative uses of leftovers? and of course WFL? (Bonus points if you have finished all your thanksgiving leftovers by today).


Friday's Post:
I am at my Parent's home.
I'm bored, drunk and awake and there is an ancient springer spanial gently snoring to my left. . .
I warn you this post will be long. Possibly painful. It is likely there will be grammatical errors and allusions to the National Debt and argyle. . . For those who may read no further: Tell me about your odd Thanksgiving day experience, what made your holiday different from every other OWFLer? and of course: WFL?

(and now to the verbose post)



Welcome to the day of sloth.

Congratulations for making it this far.
I know.
It's been a hard week.
I am truly proud of you.


It all started with that damn Monday. A day that specializes in grabbing you by the gonads and dragging you back from your weekend bliss and into the perpetual drudgery that seems the definition of selling your soul (I won't argue with those of you that think you love your job—argument just doesn't look good on me (I'm a spring)).


Then came that Tuesday, another blindingly painful series of hours echoing with the phrase “It's my Thursday, ha-yuck” and the inner-child-kicking reminder you haven't even made it half way through your abbreviated week.


Ahh, then that Wednesday: the day taunting you with it's proximity to that luscious sweet spot of the eleventh month.
Ahh, then that Wednesday: “The Biggest Drinking Day of the Year” (or so I've heard, I've been Googling up and down trying to find out if there is any truth in this (as counter-intuitive as it may be) but other than a few statements from those unworthy of my bibliography, I haven't found any verification).

Then, with no time or dignity to spare: Thanksgiving.
Yes, you've proved you are ready for the Gastrointestinal Games: having spent between five and twelve hours eating on this most holy of holidays. You drank whatever was placed in front of you, regardless of your proximity to the hot stove and boiling potatoes. You smiled politely, even when a well meaning relative implied that you have yet to do anything productive with your life.
Hell, you had seconds.


Well, congratulations OWFLers. Take this day and raise a proud middle finger to those who will spend their waking hours fighting barbarous crowds in Bed, Bath and Beyond for that deeply-discounted-turbo-limited-edition-cheese-grater. Raise your other to those cleaning out gutters, mopping floors and generally being productive. Then, with all the self-righteous authority you can muster, sit the f*ck down. This is your day to enjoy that extra ass-padding you've somehow acquired in the last twenty-four—don't do anything productive, enjoy that organic cushion and enjoy it with pride.

Now that you've been given a day without responsibility, tell me what made your Thanksgiving your own. Anything shocking occur when your girlfriend came home to your parents for the first time? (Really, you should have known they would call her a whore). Did anyone have their first significant other Thanksgiving (away from parents or in-laws)? (HA! You didn't know it was the neck at first either!) What surprised you culinarily on this traditional meal?
More succinctly, what made your yesterday different than every other OWFLer's?

i'd like to get some socks with silly interlocking diamonds

and of course:
WFL?
(Bonus points if you do not eat leftovers. . .)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING OWFL!

Homecoming

There will be no pictures on this post. I have only 128k over transatlantic satellite so I apologize. I was going to load some pictures of Ro and I kissing during our early time in Boston. However, let me relay a story that illustrates today's topic.

Typically, the day before Thanksgiving many people are finishing up the trip back home. Alot of people got in last night .. some are still arriving today. If you are traveling back to the place you grew up ... you sit down and take it all in. Landmarks may have changed, people that you saw regularly may have moved, etc etc... But, it is always the same feeling, that weird feeling of not quite fitting back into the space that you once occupied, either the vaccum has closed up or maybe even widened .. almost as if you were on a soul diet (changing may even mean the loss of being "bigger" and "gregarious" or the transverse ... that you are bigger or grand).

It is sometimes are weird feeling.

Well, that brings me to a certain "Homecoming", the fall of 1997. I was packing up a Pontiac LeSabre (my dad took my huge but reliable .. newly rebuilt Buick). I was leaving home (Texas at the time)... hopefully in time to make it up to Boston (in two days) to make Thanksgiving Dinner for Rochelle. I took off in the evening and drove straight through till morning to Oakridge, TN (just about half-way). I sacked out at my Grandparents house for about 6 hours .. hugged my cousins and my grandparents and took off all the way through to Boston. You see I was going home. I pulled up to Ro's brownstone .. parked the car illegally (is there a legal free parking spot in Brighton, MA?). And rung the doorbell. The next thing I know I'm being tackeled and smothered in kisses and hugs. That was a great homecoming.

I'm looking forward to that time here soon. When I get back. I hope the vaccum didn't change much.

Most people are spending today waiting for our feast and enjoying our warm homecomings. Do you sit down and have that sandwich and a glass of milk with friends or family? How do you feel today and What's for Lunch?

The Morning After

So last night I broke in the new fryer that HT and LaChoi got me for my birthday. And I think we broke it in damn well if I do say so myself. One could say we spanked that fry daddy's ass! We started off with tostones (fried plantaines), then went to tater tots, followed up by popcorn chicken, then it was time for onion rings, of course it would not be a fry party without crab rangoon and for dessert coconut fried shrimp. Ahhh, just a Monday night at the CHUD house!

It seemed like such a good idea at the time, but now I feel like I am weighed down by a gallon of canola oil and my apartment smells like fried. We've all shared plenty of discussions about fried food. What we enjoy the most, what is the weirdest thing we've had fried, what we really should try and fry. It is not a foreign topic to the OWFL, and in fact I believe it is most often held in the highest regards after a particularly rough night of drinking. Fountain sodas and fried food....ahhhh...a cure for the common hangover.

But now it is the morning after a night of excess fried food consumption and I feel dull, sluggish and a bit queasy....FF hangover. Ok, so if you eat fried food to help with an alcohol hangover, do you drink alcohol to cure a fried food hangover? Will a salad do the trick, or do I need something carby to soak up all the excess grease floating in my belly? How do you get rid of the fried food blues?

And of course, WFL???

Eat it like the movies!

There's been a lot of eating in movies over the years. From last meals to pure decadence. Sometimes they play a minor part and sometime they are the objective of the entire flick. One of my favorite eating scenes comes from a movie (introduced to me by Mamon) from the film Fatso with Dom DeLuise. It's a beautiful film about a man that can't do it. If you love to eat, which I’m sure you do, please spend a Sunday morning eating your eggs with this masterpiece of proper eating.


Dominick DiNapoli: Maybe I AM crazy. Is it crazy to hate yourself?
Dominick DiNapoli: Get the honey, junior.
Dominick DiNapoli: [to a picture of his mother] How you loved to feed me! Look at your chubby baby now, ma, I'm a fat, fat man, a damn fatso. I can't stop the fat!
Sonny: Did you ever suck the jelly out of a jelly doughnut and then fill it with chocolate swirl ice cream?
Antoinette: You ate the "ony"!
Frankie: You love bread, I don't love bread, I only LIKE bread!
Dominick DiNapoli: Mrs. Goodman, would you be my chubby checker?
Dominick DiNapoli: Lasagna for you, broiled chicken and kale for me, no bread.
Sonny: How'd you like to stuff one of them in a doughnut!
Dominick DiNapoli: Give me those keys or I'll cut you down to your balls!
Frankie: Dom, what's happening to you? Don't you remember? "Da, da, da, da"?
Dominick DiNapoli: "Da, da, da, da" your ass! Give me those keys!
Dominick DiNapoli: [to Frankie] You know what your problem is, Junior? You don't know how to run your plate. See? You gotta make the bread come out even with the eggs.

So, let's dig deep. Let us know what your favorite eating scenes are. I've got a busy day so sorry for the brevity.

Oh and WFL??

My Scarlet Letter is L

A friend of mine from high school (whom I shall call D) came in to town for the weekend. She has a conference to attend here in DC, and she's staying at my place because her employers saw fit to fund her flight here but not her lodging.

In the course of catching up last night, I asked about D's college roommate (whom I will call C). C recently left her husband for a student, with whom C was having an affair, in the graduate department where C teaches. After an intricate exchange of facts and realizations, D and I discovered that the student with whom C was having an affair and for whom C recently left her husband is my good friend from college (whom I will call H).

Talk about a small world.

Over coffee this morning (I'm working from home today.), D and I spent some time talking about that moment in a relationship when the excitement of flirtation becomes the treachery of cheating. D and I have a tendency to run off at the mouth when discussing such topics. We're both a little wordy and (if I'm to be generous) a little literary in our debates, particularly about topics that are more conceptual and less concrete. Consequently, I will spare you the more arduous details of our discussion.

Still, it got me to thinking. In most cases of "the other man" or "the other woman" that you see in stories, be they on the page or the big or small screen (or, yes, mikeysunshine, in your latest contribution to the realm of Star Trek: The Next Generation fan fiction erotica), such relationship indiscretions often happen over lunch: a long lunch break from the office at a place that isn't too close to the "regular" place but IS close enough to a motel where you can retire for a little Afternoon Delight.

So, my questions to you today, OWFL, is this: what do you order when you are lunching with the Forbidden Fruit? Or, coming at it from the other side, where do you take someone else's wife to lunch?

And, of course, WFL?

Stand By Me: Directors cut - Sunshine edition

Narrator: We talked into the night. The kind of talk that seemed important until you discover girls.

Gordie: Alright, alright. Mickey's a mouse. Donald's a duck. Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?

Vern: If I can only have one food (for lunch) for the rest of my life? That's easy. Pez. Cherryflavoured Pez. No question about it.

Teddy: Goofy's a dog, he's definitely a dog.

Gordie: I knew the sixty-four thousand dollars question was fixed. There's no way anybody can know that much about opera.

Chris: He can't be a dog. Wears a hat and drives a car.

Gordie: Wagon Train's a really cool show. But did you ever notice that they never get anywhere? They just keep wagon training.

Vern: God, that's weird. What the hell is Goofy?

MikeySunshine: Wait a GD Second here. Vern asked a damn good question. What would you eat if you could only have one kind of food for the rest of your life? I mean, you got to think about a lot of things before comitting to something monumental like that.

Teddy: Like what Sunny?

MikeySunshine: I told you. Don't call me Sunny, that ain't my name.

Teddy: Whatever.

Vern: Yeah, Sunshine, what do you have to think about?

MikeySunshine: Well Vern, this is the food you have to live on for the rest of your life. Think about your answer for a minute lardass. Seriously, your teeth would rot out and I don't even want to think about what would be falling out of your ass if all you eat is Cherry Pez.

Gordie: Yeah, you'd have pink hershey squirts Vern-o .

Vern: Shut up man.

MikeySunshine: Like I was trying to say, you gotta think about the repeatability, and the nutrition of the food. I mean Hot dogs are great, but you don't get nothing green, unless you eat them with relish, but that shit tastes like barf.

Chris: Hey, I like Relish.

Teddy: You would.

Chris: What's that supposed to mean?

Teddy: Nothing man, just forget it.

Gordie: Sunshine, you've obviously thought about this, what would you eat?

MikeySunshine: Pizza. No doubt. It's got all the food groups, and I already eat it like 4 times a week... and Goofy is a retarded donkey.

Narrator: None of us mentioned Ray Brower but we were all thinking about him.



The question for today should be clear: If you could only have one type of food for the rest of your life, what would it be? If you can only have one lunch today, what will it be?

Where's the Beef?

On this date in 1969, in GimletGirl's hometown of Dublin, Ohio, Dave Thomas opened the very first Wendy's Restaurant.

I feel like Wendy's is always running in third, behind McDonald's and Burger King, which never made sense to me, because of the three, if I had to choose, I'd pick Wendy's every time. I've always been a big fan of Wendy's chili and thus, their taco salads, and I like their fries better than those at either McDonald's or Burger King. I do think it's absolutely stupid that Frosties are only chocolate, but I've been known to break down and eat one from time to time, particularly as a "dipping sauce" for my fries.

Wendy's also used to have pretty good fried chicken, though I think they've stopped selling it. In reading about Dave Thomas' life for this post, I learned that that's probably because upon Dave 's return from duty in Germany during the Korean War, he worked with Colonel Harlan Sanders to turn around 4 failing Kentucky Fried Chicken franchises.

So, Happy Birthday Wendy's! Go get yourself some chili and a baked potato, or a square burger to celebrate! So, let's talk about Wendy's, or if you must, fast food in general. Also, feel free to share your experiences at any of the Wendy's International owned chains, which in addition to Wendy's include Cafe Express and Pasta Pomodoro, and up until very recently Baja Fresh, and up there in Canuckistan, Tim Hortons.

And, of course, WFL?

Who delivers

Sorry to the poster for today, but I got impatient. I'll take this down if necessary

SO I am liad up with terrible back pain again today and lunch ain't making itself. So My question for the community is this:

When you don't want to make food, who do you call, and what do they bring?

Lunchwear

As I was walking from the metro to work this morning, I passed a guy with a shirt that said 'English Muffin' & it had a little union jack on it. It made me laugh. Thinking about it, that shirt would be more descriptive on a girl, but whatever. He was hott. Also, it made me happy b/c I didn't have a good idea of what to write about today - and does it matter much anyways? Is anyone even at work? Am I the only one? So if you could make a custom food shirt what would yours be labeled? During my mold problems in my condo I almost had a shirt made that said "Got Mold?" (like the milk ads! geddit? geddit??) and had a little mushroom on it (yeah, yeah, I know, mushrooms are fungi, not mold, blah blah blah), so I guess I'd go with that. Or, if I were back in college, when I was known for making the most ridiculous pool shots (not from skill, mind you, just from hitting as many balls as hard as possible-ah, good times. when cheese counted) & I was known as the Velveeta Queen, so I guess I'd get a shirt with that on it.

Happy Veterans Day to all the vets on our little blog. Which I guess means Shorty. ;-p
WFL, y'all?!

The dream is over...

With the Democrats taking over the House and Senate, it looks like there's a new sheriff in town. Some you may recall a littls scandal around Jack Abramoff (AKA the Hamburglar) which brought to light for about 3 seconds the largesse afforded to our elected representatives in Washington, D.C. The CYA backlash in DC included ethics proposals limiting the amount that could be spent on free lunches for politicians and their staff. The legal limit had been $50 for a lunch. The proposed changes would have brought the limit down considerably...

Trent Lott's (R- MS) response to some of the proposed ethics changes:
"...it is outrageous," Lott said. "I mean, now we're going to say you can't have a meal for more than 20 bucks. Where you going to -- to McDonalds?"

Of course Trent could choose to eat wherever he pleases, but then he'd have to pay for it on his meager Senate salary of $183,500 a year. So on the crazy chance that the Dems will opt to limit themselves to an "outrageous" $20 free lunch per day, where are they going to eat?

As Trent so helpfully pointed out, McDonalds is indeed one option, in fact you could get a veritable feast there for $20. But is there any where else in this town where you could get a decent lunch for under $20? Is this the fate of our humble leaders?

Has the hamburglar ruined lunches for Congress?

I personnally think that the free lunch in Washington is here to stay, the enjoyment of kickbacks is one thing that both parties could agree on. So if you had a queue of lobbyists lining up to spend $50 on you for lunch every day, where would you go? What would you eat when they sky was the limit? Is there such a thing as a "free $50 lunch from a lobbyist"?

And what's for lunch today, oh sorry electorate?

Election Hangover

It's 12:47 AM and I am still not sure how happy I am.

The TN Senate seat was just called for the Republican.

MO and MT are still far away from being called.

VA looks like it is headed for a recount as the guy I want to win is only up by about 3,000 votes.

Your Czar is very happy to report that the House of Representatives has been very politely returned to his beloved party after a 12 yr loan to Hatertot's folks.

This is good.

On the other hand everyone here at OWFL is very upset for a good friend of the blog and her betrothed for having lost an extremely hard fought campaign in Western New York.
We hope he will be back and we promise to work harder for him next time.

So what now?

What do you dine on when you don't know how you feel?

What food can fill the empty pit in your belly that will soon be filled by extreme joy or disappointment?

Help me and others who are feeling like me answer this question on what is turning out to be a gorgeous, beautiful Wednesday.

And also tell us, of course...

WFL?

Forgot my lunch.

DAMNIT ALL!!!! stupid cold medicine has left me retarded. what do you do when you forget your lunch and have no reserves at work?? AND are insanely broke because you spent all of your money on pretty clothes that wont fit you by the end of the week because you have no lunch?? im sure we have already coered this topic, and what to eat when you are sick, and what to keep in your desk for when you have forgoten your lunch, but the alieve cold and sinus has left me stupid and sleepy. i just wanna go to bed with some lipton cup o noodles.

p.s. i miss you guys!!

Lunch-ku: Part Deux

Seventeen tiny
syllables to describe your
lunchtime joy today.

That's it. That's everyone's assignment. Due to some demand last week, and the fact that I have no good ideas for my post, please describe todays lunch (or other random musings) in haiku form.

So? WFL?

What's for lunch today?

What do you plan to have for lunch today? Any suggestions for those of us who haven't thought about it yet?

What are your plans for the weekend? You going to Lady A's cake party on Saturday?

Do these pants make me look fat?

The Incredible Edible Bread

Ahhhh...bread...soft, chewy, crusty bread. The essential ingredient to making the ever important sandwich, a staple amongst most lunchers on a daily basis. Without bread, would our lunching be the same? Would our favorite sandwich be our favorite sandwich without it?

And the variety!! The variety of bread out there is just amazing nowadays (loafs, rounds, pitas, bagels, wheats, whites, whole grain, beer etc.) and so many specialty sandwiches depend on using a specific type of bread. Would a reuben be a reuben without two slices of rye? Would a cheesesteak be the same if it were between two slices of wheat instead of a sub roll? What would a gyro taste like on white bread instead of pita? What kind of bread makes it or breaks it for you? Have you ever had a disappointing lunch because it was made with the wrong type of bread?

So let's talk about bread today my friends and of course WFL?

Lonely Kid Lunch

So you're the new kid. The other kids at the other tables whisper. Some may outright laugh. Some throw food (I wish more people had thrown food because its HellaFun(tm) to start a food fight or simply that my mom's packed lunch sucked so I'd have rather thrown it).

I remember moving from Chattanooga, TN to Houston, TX when I was six years old. We moved in August so I wasn't able to make many friends on my street when school started (I'd only met a few kids and they had taken to calling me "Hayseed" ... anyone see the irony here?... I'd busted at least one of their lips .. note to self: not the way to develop friendships).

I vividly remember having to sit at a table by myself the first day of school. Not being a natural joiner (and possessing no grammar skills) I didn't start looking for friends nor was I naturally receptive to people wanting to talk to me. I wouldn't describe myself as the old school version of the trench coat mafia because a) I think highly of myself .. really highly b) I like women and "emo boys" like trench coats are total wussies.

I ended up making friends with Max Cortez, Choo Choo Lawson, Terrance Washington and a few other people that I found out later were considered "unruly". Likely due to the fact that they were from the "Quarters" which was government tract housing put up close to the elementary school where we lived in Sugarland, TX. These people were good as friends and better about having fun, getting into fights, making trouble, and having alot of the same sort of "pig's ass in between two pieces of bread" kinda lunch that I was used to. This set a precedent for me. The people that are the most cast out by their peers tend to stick together themselves. Kind of a band of bad brothers.

Later, after many years, I quit the highschool band my Jr. year of Highschool, I didn't play football, so the only affiliation I kept was Academic Decathlon. So, I was somewhat "unaffiliated" around my Jr and Sr year of highschool. I went to rockstar-like parties at other highschools (Sugar Land is filled with priviledged-bored-rich-kids), dated the Cpt. of the Drill team at another close high school, and went to more Proms than I care to remember (I think the total was 9 after all said and done). However, unaffiliated at my school, I would sit in the lunch room reading the whole time (Stranger in a Stange Land, Xanth Series, Bio of a Space Tyrant, etc). It was only at this point that I made friends with more criminals that my brother was affiliated with (and a few of them were my friends). I believe one of the guys is now a porn star in Austin and a few others I lost track of after they lived in people's attics smoking pot for summers on end.

Uuuuhh was there a point to this?

Well, yeah. I've never been really all that hip on groups. Alot of them are filled with people who like to be nice all the time. I can't hack it. Matter o' fact I find it insipid sometimes (only when I have my man-period or if you prefer "Manly Time of the Month" ... note to self: does anyone make "Man-pons"?). Everyone on the this blog is cool ... some of you are haters very like me.

So imagine my suprise when I feel like the lonely kid at lunch when I didn't get a posting spot in the new rotation! It was clearly horked (my word) by THA MAN(tm)(f the man!!!).

So someone stole my lunch posting spot (very like stealing my lunch ... its pig's ass ... but its mine damnit).

What would you do in my circumstance? What have you done in the past? Is anyone else out there a self-described sociopath like me? Who are you having lunch with? How was Halloween? Were you ever a lonely kid? Most important, What are you stealing for lunch?