manager: god, i think time is moving backwards
SK: what do you mean? isn't it 8pm yet?
manager: NO! it's only 7:30pm.
SK: (gasp) are you serious?
manager: this is what happens when it gets dark earlier. it's so deceiving.
(no kidding. it's painful when you close at 9pm and you think it's 8pm but it's really 730pm...ouch. at least we treated ourselves to a nice $30 of wine. yay wine!)
ok, so if you cannot tell, i'm effing hyper this am. i woke up on the right side of the bed today. (woot) yet being bipolar as i am, SK wants to flip things on its head and ask a more morbid and darker lunch question today...
what would you eat in hell??? b/c according to most religions, we'd all be going there. (and it'll be a great group of individuals, i guarantee you that!) but of course, my vision is that even though we'd all be together and make the best of a bad situation, the whole purpose of hell is to punish us for our wrongdoings. so, say that in hell, you'd only get to eat the thing(s) that you hated the most. what would that be?
alternative question for the atheists: pretend that you're held up in guantanamo and the US is torturing you by giving you food that you hated everyday. what would that be?
and of course, tell us what you are actually having for lunch today.
PS - RIP ann richards...she was one badass mutha and will be missed.
PPS - i showed up to my therapist's office the other day in my workout clothes. at the end of my session, she asked "what does WFL mean?" i gave her a very condensed answer, to which she replied "well everyone needs some comic relief in their lives! i think that's great!" i love her.
88 comments:
Nice post SK.
I think I'd have to go with Black Licorice. I freakin hate black Licorice. If someone tries to force any alcohol substance from Greece on me ... I kick them in the nuts.
So, hell, ... fun topic. I don't know if everyone here is aware of this, but there is no concept of hell in the Jewish religion. I think this is one of the biggest problems I had with Christianity ... this life is pretty hard\bad sometimes ... why would there be something worse?
I think the only bad thing would be the diinclusion of your spirit from "the group" ... sometimes known as heaven I guess. It would be like not being invited to the party ... if you've been there yourself it is its own hell of self-doubt and self-loathing.
So ... that was deep (did you hold up your watch?).
So, given that there isn't a "heaven" in my religion as such (definitely no angels singing and prayer books and clouds ... I actually think that "concept" was a joke back in the day ... and weirdly it stuck .. anyone up for some research?), I am down with the party in the afterlife ... there are only a very few things that would disinclude you from that party ... all the rest of the shit you do (take recreational drugs, have too much sex with too many partners ... etc etc) creates your own hell on earth ... so you get your "just deserts" here and not in any "hell".
Hell is eating Black Licorice.
oh .. I'm getting free vendor lunch today. One of the evil oil services company is buying us lunch today.
Sometimes it is good to be a sellout.
:)
My hell food would be bananas. It could be served in different forms, or just a big pile, and the devil saying "EAT UP SUCKER!!" The devil is such a prick.
So, if I were stranded on a desert island with nothing but banana trees and supermodels, that would still be my hell. Except for the supermodel part. Unless they were made out of bananas, then it would be a cruelly ironic hell.
Most people think my hatred of bananas is weird, but to all of you I say this.
Bananas are radioactive, seriously
Oh, and that's not why I hate them.
Its just that the taste, smell, and texture of bananas make me vomit. Other than that I think they're great, for other people.
I'll go the route of being a prisoner at Guantanamo on this one. It's not that I'm not religious, but I'll be going to heaven. You see, I was raised Catholic, and they had this Jubilee year put on by the pope in 2000. One of the benefits was a plenary indulgance that is like a guarenteed ticket to heaven if you do some silly religious scavenger hunt. Me and my mom thiught that this kind of afterlife guarentee don't come along every day, so we did it. So I got that going for me. I;m much more likely to end up in a prison camp in Cuba anywise. I am fairly subversive.
Man, I would definitely have a custom menu in prison camp that included a medly of mushrooms (that don't make you trip), Tomatoes, Eggplants, Pickled pigs feet, Live mealworks, and Earthquake's home cooking (ba dum, bing)
WD, did you ever have that sex ed class where they taught you how to use condoms by putting one on a banana?
Lunch today will be french toast... I mean Freedom Toast if I can get some guidence on how to make it from all y'all.
How do you make this stuff? I remember my mom making it with egg, vanilla, bread and... that's what I don't know.
Great topic Lakitty.
Uh, well said Diz.
My meal in hell would start with coconut, not sure in what form, but any way Igot it would be hellish.
The entree would be this vegetable that I encountered when I lived overseas. The only name I ever knew for it sounds like "nyah nyah". And it felt like this disgusting foul smelling and acrid tasting veggie was taunting you as it looked up from your plate. It was green and had smooth textured skin like a tomato but tasted like one of Satan's pus filled boils.
For dessert there would be a combination of bread & rice pudding some parfait and a rhubarb pie.
I forgot the drinks, pina coladas and veggie smoothies throughout the meal.
Lunch today is a work welcome back affair at Levante's.
Mediterranean cuisine I'm told.
Hell for me. Hum. Mackeral sushi. Reeeeaalllly horsey sea urchin sushi. Shudder. And piles of shredded coconut. Not fresh, in chunks, mind you. Shredded (definitely a texture thing). And only whiskey or maybe Jager-bombs to drink. Gah. I know there's more. I'll come up with it in a minute. I'm betting we could all get together with our hell-foods & have a hell of a buffet (maybe we could do some switching before the devil comes a-runnin' - the 1st 3 of sunshine's meal sound great to me!).
Sunshine: beat 1-2 eggs (depending on how much you want!) with a little milk (optional: vanilla, cinnamon, other spices you like) in a flat bowl (tupperware is ideal). Heat up frying pan - melt butter in it - put it closer to medium or your freedom toast will be burnt toast (the temperature is always my big problem). Put the bread in on each side. Put it in the pan - fry on each side until golden brown. Take out of pan & smother with syrup (or jelly or whatev). Eat. Enjoy.
Man drinks is a brilliant addition. I dislike grape, or more to the point, purple flavored drinks. I;m pretty sure the devil has a pretty good family recepie for Tequilla too. There you have it; in hell I'll have a camelback full of tequila and grape soda.
blort, I think I just threw up a little.
Oh yeah and hell would have no coffee and no shrimp. Bastards.
And although some may hate that I raise this "grossest real food item" combination I could think of, it merits repeating here.
Nothing to eat but sticks of margarine (not butter) dipped into vats of miracle whip (not mayo)so that there's a huge quivering glob on the end, and then bon apetite!
To be chased with radish juice
THX LT
mmmm...grape soda...
Foods from hell are featured in Please Steve, Don't eat it'' . Scroll down and see some of the foods that belong in hell.
Included at the end is prison wine. Funny shit if you have some time to read it.
food that i wouldn't want to be served in hell: liver. i think that there's only once that i've had it served and it tasted good. i think that anything can taste pretty good with enough seasoning and butter/oil. but seriously, if it's hell we're talking about, then liver would probably be served raw and that would be sick.
not sure what to eat today. i want sushi for some reason.
WD, wanna stop by and have a pint of ale and shoot some aliens after work today?
ANybody else?
ugh.. bananas.. good call.. its definitly the texture and the fact they have that sickly sweet rancid smell and taste even when perfectly ripened.. i have trouble being in the same room with them..
tequila would also be on my list... last time i had it i ended up shooting it out of my mouth at the only girls at the party (the price you pay for goign to an engineer run party)...
but thats not hellish food..
hellish food is that nasty combination shit mentioned earlier in the blog... like hamburger with mixed with chocolate milk and avacado skin blended with a rather delicate carmalized hazelnut etc etc..
sunshine, that page is awesome. It will also help with my weight-loss program. Huuuuurrrrrl!!!
Diz,
I hate black licorice so much, you are right on. It is so vile that I cannot even begin to comprehend how anyone finds that sensation pleasing. I think I can still remember the first black jelly bean I ever put in my mouth. What a cruel cruel thing to do to a child.
I don't know wfl. It'll be late. I just had some cereal that will tide me over for a couple hours.
SK, have you read sunshine's Steve Don't Eat It? You have to read the one right after prison wine. Do you know of this 'snack'?
I'll eat alllll the black jellybeans in hell! Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!
But y'all can have the Mounds and the Almond Joys.
Oh, has anyone ever had uncured or unbrined (whatever they're called) olives? That is some gross shit right there. It's like an olive corpse where the soul has left its body.
Actually Peep, I think your interpretation is even fouler. Miracle Whip on the end of YOUR stick? I was talking about margarine yo!
Thanks Sunshine, but can't make it today. Have to prepare for my trip to beautiful Pittsburgh tomorrow.
I'm going to eat at Fathead's.
https://www.fatheads.com/
Hmmmm...headwich...
Oh and lunch today is leftover pizza from last night, that I brought in to work. 2 days in a row of bringing food into work, after approx. 8 years of never doing that once. Crazy!
WD, having a wife & kids will do that to you.
Lunch was the 2nd half of that steak & cheese, nuked. I wasn't patient enough to toast it for 1/2 hour. Surprisingly, the bread didn't get too chewy! And even though there was LT & mayo on it, it stilled tasted pretty good! I usually hate the nuked LT & mayo!
I think that show Fear Factor is would kinda be like eating lunch in hell. Testicals, organs and snouts...OH MY!
FYI - I added in GimletGirl and Earthquake onto the posting schedule for Sept.
blue things, miso? like your sour-candy strip avatar? Hey, don't you move this weekend? Good luck with that!
I be not using the good grammar...
Black licorice can fuck themselves? Yes!! To make more black licorice!!! Mwa ha ha ha ha!
I pack next Thursday & move next Friday. Panic!!!! Well, move out next Friday. I won't move in until probably 10/12 or so.
Aw, Peep, what a pal! Everyone, all together now "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm with PeeP, I'll eat just about everything. I think for me, Hell would be a Diet Coke-free zone, and I'd be driven insane for eternity without that delicious elixir.
Miso - we are polar opposites. I love everything that is blue, except most blue alchy drinks. Blue curacao is vile, but not b/c it's blue, more b/c it smells like orange and I can't do orange booze.
Oh, so my hell = no Diet Coke, and only SoCo, GM, and Blue Curacao. Yeah, that would suck.
SoCo is peach-flavoured.
Mmmm . . . hell would be without my favorite drink - Vodka-SoCo . . . .
Watchdog--Your hell may be bananas, but my hell is "banana-flavored" items, along with all "grape-flavored" items. I love actual bananas and actual grapes and all things made with actual bananas and actual grapes (I mean, what would I do w/o wine?). And obviously, being natural, bananas and grapes must both be good. Fake banana/grape flavor, though, is unnatural and unholy. I'm pretty sure that while Jesus was turning water into wine, Satan was mixing up a big vat of cheap grape soda.
And Watchdog--Brazil Nuts are also radioactive. Are you anti-Brazil Nut as well?
I LOVE black jelly beans!
SoCo is actually a mix of bourbon, orange AND peach LT. But yeah, nasty.
Have you ordered one of those again recently?
Orange in SoCo? Really? Huh, the things you learn!
No, I haven't ordered another yet. I'm still working off the hangover from the last one.
Seriously, we could all get together in hell & exchange our hell-foods & have a feast. I'll invite my mom. She haaaates coffee.
Hell mean no taquitos to me. Also Black Olives in all foods. For drink at Guantanamo, Powerade - any flavour.
Mask and great strength
Right I forgot you were going to Pittsburgh. Maybe next week.
Enjoy, WD.
freshly carved roast beef on soft sub with freshly fried belgian style pomme frite.
it's what's NOT being served in hell.
Muchas Gracias. Miso
Lunch important to training, so always look for help.
Holy shit. I'm sorry I got in on this so late today. I have very strong opinions on infernal dining.
Sunshine: I loves me some grape soda. So much so that I've discovered (and occasionally reminded myself) that if I drink too much of it (read: two liters in four hours), my BM turns green. Thank YOU, Mr. Artificial Coloring! That said, I actually did gag a little when you suggested the tequila and grape cocktail. I'm picturing it with Pepe Lopez or One-Eyed Jack.
My lunch in hell would start off with some sort of rhubarb pastry, but not just any rhubarb pastry: a poorly executed rhubarb pastry. Soggy, overcooked, overbaked, and undersweetened. Then, I would rue my mortal failure to ever learn to tolerate olives that are not stuffed with blue cheese and soaked in vodka as I was served the Watchdog Special topped with a mound of green and black olives. For dessert, I would have scrapple with kippers and sardines on stale saltines.
For lunch today, I'm having Tums and apple juice. Last night's promised bourbon carnival panned out just as planned, even garnished it just right with a couple of High Lifes at the Raven! YAY!
PS, mikeysunshine, THAT kind of attitude is precisely why I don't cook for you anymore.
Change of lunch plan, off to McCormick & Scmick's.
welcome ultimo!
Dude. Aquafina? You're living in hell, already, aren't you? Maybe you'll come back and your chair will be gone. Then you can claim the only place you could sit was at home in front of the tv.
celebrate what? city hall like the real city hall or is this some hipster bar?
Funny, I washed down my lunch (spinach/chicken/swiss "panini" and chips) with a bottle of Aquafina that I found refreshing.
I think LT has the right idea about a food-swapping party in hell. I'll take care of the Aquafina and bread and butter pickles, if EQ and Jo drink my grape soda. Anyone up for the banana runts and banana laffy taffy I know beelzebub has coming my way?
Lunch was Freedom toast. Made with help from LT. I used 2 eggs, ground up Cinimon Life Cereal, cinimon, a sugar cube, and half & half, then used wonder Itialian Bread.
I like to think that I just turned the tide in the war on terror by learning to make freedom toast at any time.
Cinnamon Life? He likes it! Mikey likes it!!
Mikey--did the Cinnamon Toast Crunch make the Freedom Toast slightly crunchy? If so, that sounds AWESOME. Personally, I like to add a little pumpkin pie spice to my egg mixture instead of cinnamon.
Miso...maybe that's just blogger telling you that your jokes really aren't funny the first time...
love
lady a
of course you know I'm kiddin'!
Count down till we kill blogger!!
WOOP WOOP!
Thanks, Sunshine, for the unintended lunching direction. Grape soda means Stewart's Grape Soda, which you get at the Potbelly's to wash down the Wreck (w/bacon?) and a side of macaroni salad, which is what's going to be on my desk in @ 12-15 minutes.
Ye haw!
Oh, y bienvenida a Ultimo!
LUNCH UPDATE!!
Bacon!
doritos and Tea again...
lovin the Tazo Citron..
My iPod played three Pulp songs sequentially while on random during lunch..
i wonder what that means..
miso, steal the fireworks, now.
mmmm bourbon... i like these people
ultimo, welcome
everyone, take multivitamins
I had a cup of seafood and corn chowder followed by a skirt steak salad with ginger dressing at McCormick & Schmicks.
Two Arnold Palmers to drink.
I love bread and butter pickles.
Chicago tomorrow.....
Oh, I get it, Peep! You got a boot on your car! I thought you meant you got your boot on, i.e. drank too much & booted.
I'm hungry again and sad. Apparently I didn't pack the tortillas I was going to use to eat more garlic hummus today. So sad. And I have no ones, so I can't get anything (Bugles) out of the snack machine. :-(
Also on my hell-buffet: Nutri-grain bars.
I do love them eggs Notwitty...preferably on a big burger or steak and cheese though ;)
Lunch is a salad from home, but I hit my favorite pita place for a white bean salad...mixed the two together...delicious. I also bought 2 pounds of the best hummus and 10 pitas to take down to my folks in north carolina.
Yo dawg, when I get to Chicago I'ma get my boot on something malicious!
Ya heard?
Aw, bite me, Jo.
Instead of panhandling (b/c I really really want pita) I think I'm going to go out & break a 20 that I do have & buy a pita at the greek place. Yum. And oink. And p.u., b/c that garlic . . . When I pulled it out of my bag to put it in the fridge this morning I could smell the garlic through the gladware. Yowzer!
What has two thumbs and likes garlic dishes you can smell through the gladware?
THIS guy.
Just kidding, but I think I'm going to work that in every few days.
When I got home from work two nights ago, my roommate had made some sort of burnt-garlic/crushed red pepper pasta dish that I could smell BEFORE I GOT TO THE FRONT DOOR OF THE HOUSE.
Some days it is REALLY easy to abide by my rule to never make out with my landlord.
robocop food paste is for breakfast at guantanamo
Totally Robocop food. I used to wonder what that tasted like, Creamed meat, or babyfood paste. I figure if its babyfood and like apples or something that'd be good, but in hell it'll probably be more like the 'potted meat' food product.
Did Bishop, (the android in Aliens played by Lance Henriksen) eat people food? I seem to remember him having lunch with the other space marines.
I've almost brought up robocop food many times. It's actually the inspiration for the Utilitarian Stew I make from time to time. Nice one, Ultimo! FYI, it tastes like saltless tofu lentil paste.
I remember what his guts looked like but I don't remember any food.
You didn't need to explain who Bishop was...gosh. Give us some credit. I think he just sat there and enjoyed fellowship. I don't think he ate.
Gracias Dipso. The Sci Fi / adventure movie, she is my favorite.
Also in hell, feasts look like the Skexes in Dark Crystal.
Over a hundred comments. Good topic today. Dang
welcome mamon!!!
chim chim chereee!
Welcome, mamon and ultimo!
You know what? I really think the steam table is what makes your scene there, mamon. There's not much worse than a hot pickle.
Of course, that's not what sunshine's mom said...
ultimo, do you like monkeys???
Welcome, Mamon! Nice of you to scurry out of your dirt mound to say hi.
Hi Ultimo and Mamon!! Welcome welcome welcome!
Ok, I'm off to NC with my 2 pounds of hummus!
Ciao bellas!
The monkeys, when I was a boy, they would come in the night and steal the fruit from the hut. They would also scream always. We hunt them and i learn to like the taste, but i never enjoy their company
Ultimo, do you like tv preachers with potentially racist names who turn into planes?
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Robocop and Bishop both ate the "cream of wheat" that they ate in The Matrix, "Simple protien with a carbohydrate".
Hell would be reincarnation as an android or cyborg ... wait .. that would be another human created hell wouldn't it?
YEaa! I can still be jewish!
My shoes hurt!
are your ankles swelling jo?
Jo has c-ankles!
I just rescinded your "My shoes hurt!" Diz.
i'm a bit late, but i wanted to say that i have totally seen that nasty pupae korean stuff on steve don't eat it. in fact, spam kitty and i saw it cooked right in front of our eyes! in korea at an open flea market. that shit made me start gagging. this old lady with no teeth was stirring all the buggies around in a cauldron/wok and the stench--oh the stench! but our mother was so excited to hear about the buggies she almost bought some. for whatever reason, she ate those nasty little buggies when she was a kid. uh...SICK.
put silkworm pupae on my list of hell-food. and black licorice. and pastisse for that matter.
i'm a bit late, but i wanted to say that i have totally seen that nasty pupae korean stuff on steve don't eat it. in fact, spam kitty and i saw it cooked right in front of our eyes! in korea at an open flea market. that shit made me start gagging. this old lady with no teeth was stirring all the buggies around in a cauldron/wok and the stench--oh the stench! but our mother was so excited to hear about the buggies she almost bought some. for whatever reason, she ate those nasty little buggies when she was a kid. uh...SICK.
put silkworm pupae on my list of hell-food. and black licorice. and pastisse for that matter.
Gelfling!
do not piss off Maugra!
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