One, two, three, four... Hrmm! One, two, (one, two, three, four!)
Let me tell you how it will be;
There's one for you, nineteen for me.
'Cause I’m the taxman,
Yeah, I’m the taxman.
Should five per cent appear too small,
Be thankful I don't take it all.
'Cause I’m the taxman,
Yeah, I’m the taxman.
(if you drive a car, car;) - I’ll tax the street;
(if you try to sit, sit;) - I’ll tax your seat;
(if you get too cold, cold;) - I’ll tax the heat;
(if you take a walk, walk;) - I'll tax your feet.
Taxman!
'Cause I’m the taxman,
Yeah, I’m the taxman.
Don't ask me what I want it for, (ah-ah, mister Wilson)
If you don't want to pay some more. (ah-ah, mister heath)
'Cause I’m the taxman,
Yeah, I’m the taxman.
Now my advice for those who die, (taxman)
Declare the pennies on your eyes. (taxman)
'Cause I’m the taxman,
Yeah, I’m the taxman.
And you're working for no one but me.
Taxman!
We all know the taxman likes to take a bite out of your wallet. Among the most highly taxed items is food, specifically meals eaten or prepared in a restaurant. When you eat out, how much of your meal is going to the taxman v. the waiters, the chefs, the restaurant? In Arlington county, you pay 4% for prepared foods & beverages, plus 2% if sold by a restaurant - that's 6% before state involvement, which is 1.5%. Alexandria is a little better at 3% (again, before state taxes). Washington is by far the worst in the area, at 10% a meal. Maryland state tax is 5%. I don't think there are additional county taxes, but who cares, I hardly ever go there, anyway.
(Maybe I should take up smoking instead of snacking on a full-time basis: cigarette tax in arlington is only 30 cents a pack [1.5 cents a ciggie]; alexandria is 50 cents a pack [1.67 cents]; DC & Maryland is a buck a pack [5 cents ].)
Warning: Math nerdery ahead: At an average meal cost of $6 for a takeout meal, I (in Arlington) am paying 45 cents extra a meal. Averaging 4 lunches out a week, for 48 weeks a year = $86.40 that I could be putting towards better lunches at better places, or upping my average to five days a week. Damn taxman. DC peeps, it's worse! It works out to $115.20 a year! Or (from what it sounds like for a lot of DCers), 5 days a week = $144!!! The IRS is like the school bully of old, stealing your lunch money.
And, of course, it's not like I spent a chunk of last night in IRS hell trying to figure out these damn forms. Thank God we've got the extra couple of days. We're intelligent people here, right? It shouldn't take this long! Gah!!
Now I'm pissed off. So what would you do with your extra {$86.40, $115.20, $144.00} lunch money a year? And WTFFL, y'all??
27 comments:
I'd buy the most expensive sandwich in the world, and then i'd send the remains (ahem) to the IRS. But just to make sure they got it i'd put it in a paper bag and light it on fire (just to catch their attention mind you) and place it on their front door, then ring the bell and go running!
Speaking of taxes, did you know that approximately 40% of the cost of a beer is taxes? That's highway robbery. Everyone gets their cut it seems. Good thing we have a government that managers our money so well or else i'd be REALLY pissed.
Watchdog, did you get off that magnet on E-que's fridge? I totally agree, though. Sweet sweet beer is the nectar of life . . . it should be free and readily available to all who desire it's nourishing & fulfilling flavour . . . .
Lunch today with crushboy! V. excited, except I think we're going for a meal that may wind up being very garlicky . . . . Hm, not such a good scenario for making out in the garage before coming back up to the office. Damn!
Happy Good Friday!
Do we celebrate Jesus' death on Good Friday or is today the day he rose, because I thought that was Easter?
Anyway, great post LizTurtle!!
My mind started to turn to mush a bit when you brought in math, (I swear you sound like some sort of mathematician, or accountant or something. Or someone who carries around an abacus. But that's silly, no way would a mathnerd be as cool as you...). Anyway I would donate my leftover lunch money to the "Czar Josephus Center for Kids who Don't Eat Lunch Good". This would be Center named for me dedicated to teaching young people (our future) to properly enjoy and celebrate lunch. My lunch taxes, which if your calculations are right are waaay up over $200, would be used to leverage donations from the rest of the Lunch community to fund studies and literature about lunch that would be taught to the children, our neediest children, by volunteer lunch teachers.
Now here is the important part, The C.J. Center would never buy a single lunch for the children. Never. It is the Center's philosophy that no one appreciates a free lunch. If you give a hungry child a lunch, you fill their belly with much needed nutrients and sustenance for a day, but if you teach a starving hungry child to lunch, then this blog has a future. And there is nothing more important than ensuring the future of the blog.
That said, I must again commend LT on today's post. I am blogging from home on this vacation Friday and have not decided on lunch yet. If it rains the missus and I will probably pick up some sandwiches and go see a movie (Thank you for not smoking) this afternoon. If it doesn't rain a daytrip of some kind may be in order.
No I am not down on my hands and knees praying for rain...yet.
Hot tip - thanks Miu! I think I have some Dentyne Ice - I think that will do near as well!
Thanks Jo! I started to panic yesterday, as the past few days' posts have been very good. I like your Center idea. But how can we expect the kids to [eat lunch] when they can't even fit in the building??
In honor of Good Friday I am planning on a lamb kebab for lunch. With a Dentyne Ice chaser.
Oh and 'Thank You For Smoking'? Awesome.
LT, Actually that magnet on E-Que's fridge is related to how I know this information, but the info came before the magnet, chicken and egg and all that.
One funny tidbit is Eque and I used to be Hill staffers, and I was lobbied by the beer industry about this horrible beer tax and a bill they were supporting to end it. So I signed my boss up. And turned out she was the only Democrat cosponsor on the bill of over 100 Republican cosponsors.
But I got a mug out of the deal, and E-que got a magnet, so its all good. (and no one got punched by a cell-phone weilding congresswoman)
Excellent post LT!
Happy Good Friday!! This is actually a sad day for we non-heathens, as it marks the day Jesus Christ, our Lord was Crucified. On the other hand, it's a happy day, because the rest of the story after that gets so damn good.
Anyhoo... I did my taxes in February. I was sitting around, recovering, and thought, "hey, I'll do my taxes," and so they were done. I got a big, giant return, which I'm pretty sure was wrong, so I spent it on the gas bill, and some other not-at-all fun things. I'm guessing with all that extra lunch money, I'd do the same.
Today for lunch, I'm not sure, but I've been giving it a great deal of thought. Many of you are aware that the Lenten/Easter season is my favorite, and at no other time do I miss home so much. Back in the day, I would spend today doing the Stations of the Cross with my mom, then we'd go buy pierogies from the Polish Catholic church in Ambridge. (sometimes, we'd swing by the Slovakian Catholic church, if the Poles ran out of lekvar) Then we'd hit the fish fry at the firehall, and grab fish sandwiches, too.
After all that tasty goodness, we'd dye eggs and eat candy.
So today, who knows? This WASP-y town wouldn't know a decent pierogie if it smacked it in the head, so I need to come up with a plan. I'll report back on that later.
HT, I could write a whole blog about pierogies, I absolutely love those things. My russian grandma (Baba as we call her) makes the greatest pierogies ever to grace the planet. My favorite of course are the potato kind, but I also enjoy the saurkraut. My aunt has introduced some crazy ideas like prune and even cherry, but I don't mess with those, I'm all about the classics.
I have never had a pierogie anywhere that approaches Baba's pierogies, certainly not in DC. My family will be mauing on those next weekend, cuz Russian Orthodox Easter is different than you new-fangled Catholics (and all other Christians) celebrate. I will miss that meal, which is 12 courses and all vegetarian.
Well if I went to lunch 4-5 times a week I'd probably have to spend extra money on going to Jenny Craig or weight watchers...or try and shove a third piece of exercise equipment into my little abode!
Remember DC residents...you actually have until Tuesday, April 18th to file your taxes!
I am not an expert on pierogies..but I do love them. I've gotten them from the farmer's market in Mt. Pleasant and I think they were pretty good. Again, I'm not an expert, so I could very well be wrong. Maybe watchdog has gotten them there before and can enlighten me.
Not sure what's for lunch...since it is good friday I feel like all I should be eating are big fat chocolate easter bunnies dipped in a freshly opened jar of extra chunky JIF peanut butter.
Uni, I did indeed get the Mt. Pleasant farmers market pierogies, and I say they're pretty good. About 100X better than those Mrs. T's pierogies in the grocery freezer, but still half as good as Baba's.
watchdog, i never knew until last weekend that your family was so hard core russian orthodox. it all makes so much sense.
HT had a great idea of ordering chinese food today in the office...and if no one else in the office cares, i am going to get it regardless.
we used to have mad korean eats on easter when i was all into the church thing. only jo and HT know why i'm not into THAT anymore...though i wouldn't quite go as far as say im a heathen.
extra lunch money = more lunch. duh.
tonight i have a date with my taxes. whoo hoo, hoppin' friday night at my house!
and lekvar sounds like a character in lord of the rings.
The missus loves pierogies.
At home watching daytime television (how the hell are they going to replace Meredith on The View? It's like herding cats on that show.) Was inspired by LL Cool J's appearance to see some music videos. Silly me. Of course there wasn't any music on Music Television (I think Date my Mom was on), so I scrolled up on the cable guide and turned to MTV Hits and a video by American Idol loser Bo Bice was playing. I quickly went a channel up and...JODY WATLEY..."Don't you want me"...watched the whole video and turned to VH1 Classic and..."Here I go again on my own!!! Walking down the only road I'm living on!!!" Tawny Kitaen and everything. wow.
I felt the need to share that with you. Looks like we're doing lunch and a movie.
miu, seeing as how, except for today, I only really watch the show in clip form on Best Week Ever I am probably not the best person to decide. Ignoring all that however, I'm hoping they pick Jody Watley or Tawny Kitaen.
Happy Passover everyone!!!
Whole we are eating the "Bread of Afflication" (tm) you are getting to suffer the dreaded Peep.
So, Cadbury Eggs aside, how much do we get taxed for the realy good stuff? Wine, beer, even chocolate?
LT good post killa. It almost makes me want to get off my ass and write a letter until I remember my voting district is still in Sugarland, TX (pauses for recognition).
Yeah, we got it all here in TX, no state income tax (you'd have the be Texan to understand that only property owners pay taxes to the state ... meaning apt dwellars get off scott-free for education and road building ... which we like to do alot of), Tom Delay, amd Enron!
Regardless, we have tafkaLC coming down to see us in May and I'm tickled pink (ok maybe more of a slight tan with a jint of blush).
Jo, I haven't forgotten your idea. I have just not had the time to get anything off the ground yet. Give me another two weeks and bug me.
Cheers all, I'm going to go work in my garden today!
affliction damnit affliction!!!
I hate regular keyboards.
ugh, chinese food bloat.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.
I used to watch The View, following Martha, every day before I went to the beach when I was unemployed. Wow, I've been missing my time in NorCal a lot lately...
Anyhoo, Meredith was the last remaining tolerable person on that show, so now, I just hope they contract some sort of fast acting flesh eating virus and die. Star Jones and Joy Behar make me want to stab cancer survivors, quadraplegic midgets AND puppies. Grrrr...
I don't mind little Elizabeth, but Lisa was my favorite and I hated the way that cunt Joy (yeah, I'm bring out the c-word on the lunch blog) used to treat her. But still, I watched it every day while changing out of my pjs and into my bikini and cut offs to prepare for yet another day lying on the beach.
To replace Meredith? Not sure - I like that Soledad O'Brian who used to be the newsreader on weekend Today, and occasionally the weekday one. She's over on CNN now, being a "real" journalist.
As TAFKALC said, we picked up Chinois for the office over at the delicious Eat First. Man, if I were Watchdog, I'd eat there every day.
I may have to pick up some pierogies over there on the Mount. My favorite too are potato and cheese, but I love them all, though I can only really eat one or two of the sauerkraut ones. Oh, and Watchdog, the fruity ones are the lekvar ones. (lekvar means "jam" in all of those slavic languages, and oddly, in Hungarian too - we must've picked that up from our neighbors, b/c we sure as hell aren't slavic)
Anyhoo, from the Eat First I had scallops and shrimp in garlic sauce, hold the rice. I'm stuffed. Glad I'm going to the gym, where TAFKALC will accompany me, b/c again I went alone last night, and again weird and fucked up shit happened. (For the story and my brilliant photoshopping skills, you can check my blog)
Gah, so full. And I was almost right - not so much garlicky as oniony. And I was drinking a soda refill, so no gum. And even if I'd had the gum, I don't think it would have made a diff re: making out. Siiiiiiiigh. Ah, unrequited love! Where have you been, my old friend?
Click me!
But be forewarned: there is sound.
Am I totally retarded? (it's rhetorical, no answers, please)
I have no idea what the monkey says after What's For Lunch?
No, it's his accent. I fricking wrote it & I had trouble understanding him! He says "I have insane onion breath."
Oh, wow. I thought he was saying something about Cinnamon (raisin) Bread, which would have been weird since I'd never had such a thing until I was at Jada's last month.
I am dumbfounded & a little confoozed. You never had cinnamon raison bread or you never had any kind of cinnamon bread?
No, I'd never had any kind of cinnamon bread. I mean, I had the kind that my mom made, that was cinnamon toast or whatever. But this had swirls of cinnamon in it and some raisins too. Honestly, I'm not sure I knew such a thing existed. Do people make sandwiches with this bread?
I love cinnamon sugar toast with lots of melty butter.
Oh, I gotcha. My mom would never buy that kind of bread - I think it was akin to sugary cereals in her mind... In college I used to love cinnamon raisin bagels with cream cheese. Yum.
Yes, when it comes to cinnamon bread, the more butter, the better. Snarf!
Late lunch at Chick Fil-A in Silver Spring. I still don't get why that place is so popular.
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