Last night, TAFKALC joined us following a wine and cheese tasting she had been working for her part time gig. Upon arrival she regaled us with tales of cheese so good as to be orgasm-inducing.
This further reinforced my thoughts on the eroticism of food. No two things can drive people to the depths of madness or the heights of pleasure quite like food and sex. The consumption of the two can and often does reduce humans to the most primal of creatures. We even use the same language to discuss eating (ahem) and sex.
The interplay between food and sex has been brought to the screen countless times, the most notable of which is probably the scene from 9 ½ Weeks, which, most likely, led many a misguided couple to find out how truly hard it is to clean up honey. But, the list of food as foreplay in film is a long one. Who can forget Ali Larter’s whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues, or Phoebe Cates teaching Jennifer Jason Leigh the art of a blow job with a carrot in Fast Times at Ridgemont High?
(This was going to be a much longer post, but I got home too late last night, and woke up too late this morning to really give this post its due)
So, let’s talk about sex. And food. Food and sex? Any tales of the misguided use of whipped cream in bed, only to find that when dairy products mix with hot, sweaty flesh the result is basically sour milk? (or has that only happened to me?) Alternatively, we could discuss the lunchtime quickie, or “nooner,” if you will. “What’s for lunch?” she asked with a wink, and a knowing look…
71 comments:
In college a myriad of things were attempted, usually to a soundtrack (I can't get "Moments in Love" out of my head lately). As I've gotten older I think I have come to realize that the beautiful life affirming act of eating shouldn't be sullied with that other business except as a precursor or celebatory treat afterwards.
I do regret not participating in more "nooners". But I can't help but think that I'd be really hungry afterwards.
Thank you for putting the song 'afternoon delight' in my head, HT. Sky rockets in flight! Afternoon delight! Aaaaaaafternoon delight!
Ha, I totally remember that scene, Miu.
BTW, the cheese that TAFKALC brought was orgasmic as advertised. YUM!!!
Hm. Now that I think about it, I've never really done the whole food thing in bed. I guess I'm enough of a slob that I know I'd wind up sleeping in it for like 3 or 4 days until I got motivated enought to actually wash the sheets. Or maybe it's that I love food so much that it's long gone before I've made it to the bedroom . . . . Mmmmm . . . food . . . .
Lunch. I can't even think about lunch. I blaspheme, I know. I just had a Vitamin Water & an egg cheese bacon bagel for breakfast. Waiting for sweet sweet relief.
And kudos on the title HT. And on the selection last night.
esoterrorism lives!
eggcellent post HT. maybe i'm just a prude, but i don't like to mix the two. i completely agree though that food is the ultimate form of foreplay. but once i leave the kitchen and enter the bedroom...
Jo, I will play that song every chance I get - if only to see you air "play" every instrument.
The cheese, Miu, and Tafkalc can elaborate, was from Italy, and sadly not available here. It was a sheep's cheese, and the rind was made from cherry leaves macerated in grappa. And that was just the tip of the iceberg.
OH, and I had a giant bowl of HaterTots last night. Which, I took a picture of, but it didn't go with the post.
I want a burrito for lunch (as if last night's gorge fest wasn't bad enough)... I might try to corral someone to come to Baja Fresh or Chipotle with me later.
I've tried the whole sexy food thing with a whip cream can. All it does is get everything sticky, and there is only so much whip cream you can consume before you start getting sick. At the end you start to feel dirty and weird, and need to get into a shower to get over it.
I loved that hot shots scene, I remember something about an olive popping out of a belly button with that classic "pop" sound.
But what about food as an aphrodisiac?
Chocolate simulates feelings of arousal, as does spicy food. Apparently that gets peoples blood boiling all over the place.
I love the woman from that Hot Shots scene. Same one that was in Rain Man. I'm betting she was up for the female lead in Kingpin. Probably lost out in final auditions. Yeah, I bet that's what happened.
Yeah, but the chick in Kingpins is hotter than the chick from species, i'm totally serial.
Nice post HT, its left me with a sausage issue in class.
Ok, most people are misguided about food and sex because they think that sec has to be in the bedroom.
[air horn sound]
Food and sex needs alot of fore-thought as the two topics are obviously very complex. Intermingling them even moreso.
Here as some of my rules:
1. liquids should be kept in either the bathroom or the kitchen.
2. All use of food should not be overdone. Don't be a pig .., in sex you have to strike a balance between too much and not enough, especially when considering your partner.
3. Solids must be easily disposed of, if you're only going to eat one or two things make sure you at least bring a container. You think martini glasses are sexy? Bring one along with those fruits and berries to put the stuff you don't use back into it.
4. If its sugary ... its sticky. See rule#1
See? That works out really well. I'm not that big on Sex and Food although it can be pleasurable, its more of an exploration with your partner. Getting to know what they love in and on their bodies.
Weirdly, water is probably the sexiest (food). Ice cubes, warm water, cold water, what isn't always that much fun to eat can be one of the best sexual aids.
Cheers all
spoilsport I don't...well...nevermind.
The chick from species is pretty hot. But what about Kate Beckinsale?
Kate B. has a bad boob job. She's hot though.
(I'm going to take this opportunity to remind everyone that the topic of the post is not, Who's Hot, but rather, encourages you to discuss sex and food. That is all.)
diz - you know you're never going to convince HT that water is good.
Species chick is hot but she isn't that great in the "Whole Ten Yards" I actually want my money back for that movie.
She doesn't like water LT?
Well, water isn't that much fun to ingest ... but it is probably righ up there being one of the sexiest "foods".
I hate to stay off topic, but diz, just for going to the movie you should have been forced to pay double.
"Hey let's go see a movie tonight."
"Ok, which one?"
"How about 'The Whole Ten Yards."
"How about you grab some redcock hot sauce out of the fridge and pour it into my eyes while sodomizing me with a prickly pear?"
and scene.
How can I argue with that logic Jo?
I agree with diz...water in all of its forms...sexy. Ice cubes...hot and sexy....showers...steamy sexy...skinny dipping...wowy sexy.
I'm not into much on using food as a toy in bed so to say...but using it as a lead into a very good time is lovely. Like an incredible meal that is eaten on a low table that you sit around on thick silken pillows. Feeding eachother ripe and juicy fruits that drip down fingers and chins...moist and tender meats...sharing a spoonful of cool sorbet to cleanse and tingle your tongue...and quenching it all down with intoxicating and aromatic beverages...it's just one of the best ways to get all of your senses in high gear!
Uni, you've got me all hot & bothered here.
In mother England there are folks whho get off on being sloppy with food. it's called Sploshing and I saw an expose of it on HBO's Real Sex. It seems that having a Queen over there has made their society really straight laced and a lot of folks get a thrill out of doing naughty things, like pudding in the pubic hair, mayo on the boobies, or chocolate syrup on the ass.
I am not english and if it weren't for the language, i would have absolutly no respect for those pansies. Sploshing is just one more reason to hate them.
I've never tried food and sex, but that's because my fantasies are impractical. I mean, I know it would only cost about $4.50, but how am I going to get the Ramen Noodles out of the Hot tub when we're done doing it?
Lunch today is going to be spent working so my weekend will start an hour early. Either that, or I'm going to Chotchky's after 3:00 for the free wings at happy hour.
Oh, man, I have an image in my head of sitting in a giant vat of Top Ramen - creamy chicken flavour. Ha ha! Yay!
Hm, I had some gross guy once try to take a mouthful of beer & pass it to me. Backwash straight from the source. Sexy.
Many years back, my buddies and I were sitting around in one of our basements. Somehow, the conversation turned to how fortunate women were to have so many convenient produce selections that they could “utilize,” shall we say? Carrots, zucchini, bananas, cucumbers…well, you get the picture. As we lamented our unlucky lot, one of my buddies pipes up and says, in all earnest, “Yeah, but we’ve got oranges.”
Whatsa?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I don’t think we ever received, or requested, a satisfactory explanation.
On the non-mastubatory front – three words: room service sundaes. But that’s not lunch. Gyros are lunch.
LT,
I was in fact picturing creamy chicken Noodles, but decided to leave the flavor up to the imagination of the reader
dip,
not sure about oranges, but Maxim had a 'get the most for your stroke' article in which they gave the top grade for whacking aid to a cantaloupe.
It seems that if you cut a hole in the mellon then microwave it for a little bit to warm up the center, that is the best 'girlfriend simulator' out there. Haven't tried it myself... yet.
"I smell sex and candy"
My two favorite things in the world, but not really together. I am not a fan of including food into sex acts. And here is a point that I don't believe has been mentioned and will probably make all the boys mad, but sugar food items should NEVER be introduced anywhere near the females goodies. Sugar radically encourages the growth of yeast, and then you have a problem.
I would love to have more nooners in my life, but it's not happening any time soon.
ORANGES..!! HA HA HA!!
http://www.craigslist.org/about/
best/phi/80712647.html
Does anyone else feel like they are commiting an infidelity when they talk about lunch off blog? I especially feel bad when said conversation occurs with an official OWFL'er.
Just had a great lunch with a departing co-worker at Morton's.
I had the Cajun Ribeye.
Came back to the office to find out that my laptop had died. IT is rebuilding it. I lost everything that wasn't backed up. That is A LOT of stuff. I'm feeling blue.
jade the jezebel.
Miu, no I was far too polite about it. "Um, no thank you!" Which was basically my same reaction to the random guy who asked me if I wanted a "bump" at Angles a few weeks ago.
Oranges. Guys are weird. Just suck it up, go to the Pleasure Chest, and buy a pocket pussy for god's sake.
I didn't think it was possible, but I found a soda that is even more disgusting than Coke Blak. it is Diet Dr. Pepper with berries & cream. It tastes like carbonated Robutussin.
mmm...spicy jalapeños...baja fresh burrito...need a drink of zazz and all will be right with the world.
Hee hee - I had that craigslist story up & was reading it & my boss just stopped by. Thank god I had the presence of mind to scroll down enough so you couldn't read the title!
Jo, sorry about your 'puter woes. :-( Blame it on Bill Gates. That's what I always do.
I am the harlot on the side of the road.
Jade - I find myseld quoting the blog. I felt guilty when I was just taking others comments and ideas. So now I have footnotes. :)
LT - I don't wanna know why you'd know anything about that. Sec with fruit .. very funny ... seminal point in movie making and dick in some pie. Why are you drinking weird sodas. Being adventurous is dangerous :)
Jo - man!!! that sucks. Anything I can help you recover?
So, originally, when the sched came out, I'd planned on making this post about WWJE - What Would Jesus Eat.
I'll only allude to some assertions that the answer could be integrated into today's post, by saying "Mary Magdalene." (okay, so not so much an allusion)
Lunch was burrito goodness. I will so be hitting the gym before HH. (speaking of, Jo - what's the plan for tonight?)
Anyhoo, carry on with the sexy talk. (in one of my former "lives" the inclusion of food was a pretty popular request. One gentleman had this whole thing about the smell of cookies baking)
Oh, LT - no, no, no... that stuff is vile. I love artifical everything and I couldn't even gag that stuff down.
Diet Cherry Vanilla DP is good.
Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke is also TBA (to be avoided). Blecch.
(bits in italics are to emphasize that I am keeping with the sex talk)
diz, if you can find me the pictures of Playboy Magazine's first ever "Employee of the Month" I'll be forever in your debt.
As for tonight. I was thinking of HH@BB for those of us in the area who want to go straight through. At around 6:30/7 we move to a location to be determined in the U street vicinity for more drinks and some food. And then head to 9:30 club at around 9/9:30.
I would love to see a video of a "Diet Cherry Vanilla DP".
Hot.
But someone's gonna get yeasty.
But if it's "Diet" does that mean no sugar?
Jo, don't you already have those pics? You sent me the link and Jade, Rico, TAFKALC and I were looking at them during the conference...
Maybe you weren't paying attention HT...
I just went to a briefing and was happily surprised to see that there was indeed a "free lunch" involved with the deal, a la yesterday's post.
One of the panelists started sexily rubbing his roast beef sandwich on his nipples, and was really working over a pickle deep throat style.
So in just one event, we covered the last two days of OWFL topics.
crazy....
HH@BB, I feel bad to the out of towners when we talk all exclusivly about goings on in DC. But not too bad.
I know of a party with 3 DJs and a band tonight, if anybody wants to go there with me after HH.
For lunch, I had a cantaloupe, and dang she was hot.
Jo -what is bar called on U street that has the pool tables?
Q bar
Oh my god, I can't stop laughing at the last couple of posts. You guys!
I've had that Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke. One thousand times better than that beastly concoction they dared slap the name of Dr. Pepper on.
Hee hee. DP.
My favorite food/sex song (besides 'I Smell Sex & Candy', obviously) is the song 'Sir Psycho Sexy' by the Chili Peppers with the line "Turn that cherry pie right into jam! (echo: jam jam jam)" Awesome! Especially when my gay friend would repeat it to me all intense-like.
Actually it's "CUE" Bar.
Watchdog's an idjit.
Cue bar also has ping pong
Nice cherry popping Turtle. very subtle.
I'm somewhat surprized that the discussion has not hit on edible underwear, or flavored condoms. has anybody used any of those? I heard that the edible underwear is more like a fruit roll up than a pair of panties.
I've seen the edible underwear thing, and it is indeed a fruit roll up cut into a pantie style shape.
If the Jade is right, that's one yeasty pair of panties there.
JOSEPHUS,
Bonnaroo ticket has been purchased.
Edible undies, flavored lube, flavored condoms, chocolate body sauce - all terribly, terribly overrated. Of course, I'm kind of a "purist" in the sense that I (generally) do want to taste the person, rather than some weird flavored whatever.
best product in that vein:
edible massage oil. You don't actually chug it or anything, but when giving a massage to your luvvah, you can actually kiss their skin without leaving a nasty taste in your mouth. Try the vanilla flavor, nice smell and taste.
just don't try that warming massage oil...if you do...be VERY VERY careful of where it winds up.
And MS...no more birthday apple pies for you...just nuked canteloupes!
Thanks Sunshine! I was wondering if anyone cracked my code. That sounds dirty.
Watchdog, you just reminded me of that SNL with Will Ferrel & Rachel Dratch where they were all "Hello, my lover." "Ah, lover!"
Aren't the edible undies more like a fruit roll up with Twizzler roll-ups for ties on the side? Last time I went to the Pleasure Chest in G'town for a bachelorette party (I was in charge of the pinata fillings) I got penis pops. They came in vanilla and chocolate. Oh yeah.
LT - is that just to satisfy the oral fixation?
Well, you may have heard rumours about how big my mouth is. Let's just say, those pops didn't come close to oral satisfaction.
WAY TO GO SUNSHINE!!!!
BONNAROOO!!!!!!!!!
Come on WFLers, join me, peep, dipso and mikeysunshine for a weekend of lunching, music and debauchery!!
BONNAROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spunky's a purist.
"I (generally) do want to taste the person, rather than some weird flavored whatever."
And yet she denies the nickname spunky.
Perhaps my statements should have been prefaced with, "As I recall..."
DC Peeps - are yinz'all aware that Antibalas doesn't go on until 11:15? I'm wondering if I don't need to try to disco nap in there. I hate disco napping, but that's like, 8 hours from now.
You crazy DC people with your wanting to go out right after work. I like to go home, eat dinner, take a nap, shower and get dressed. And then at 10:30 or so, I am ready to go out. Who starts at 5:00?
Jade's a pansy.
And HT is sounding like one...
I love Happy Hour, more than going out later. And, in truth, if I go home after work, the likelihood of getting me back out is slim.
I'm sure once I hit BB I'll be a-okay, but I'm tired. I didn't go to bed until 4am, after driving yinz'all home AND I got a nose bleed in the car while driving on the GW Pkwy!! I had blood all over my hands and face - a total mess. So, yeah, I'm a little sleepy.
I'm not a pansy. I go the distance once I go out.
When I lived in Bermuda, we would start at 5:01 and go until the bars closed at 3. That's 10 solid hours of drinking. Oh sure, we'd claim we were going to leave soon to get dinner, but dinner usually wound up being calamari or popcorn shrimp. That my friends is how you do it.
Of course after I left Bermuda i rapidly lost my superhuman ability to do it. My NY friend just told me that he met up with friends Wed right after work and they were drinking until 7:30am, at which point he went home, showered, then went back to work until 3pm, then went home & slept until 8am today. He is a god.
I find that the older I get, the more I enjoy drinking during the day. It's like I used to like New year's eve because you start at sun down and go til 3 or 4 in the morning. But now I love the america days, labor day, memorial day, independence day. I like that you start drinking at 10:00 am and you go straight through to 10:00 pm. muy blastido, but still in bed before Leno comes on and ruins your evening.
I left work at 3:00 so I'm going to head down to BB in like 5 minutes.
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