Thursday, March 23, 2006

A somewhat morbid OWFL

Rarely am I surprised by lunch. When I order lunch at my usual haunt Metropolis, I know exactly what the Mediterranean salad with chicken is going to look like, or my other favorite, the smoked ham with provolone on French bread. Same thing when I pack my lunch, the yogurt and fruit never miraculously morph into something I'm not expecting on the trip from my home to my office.

Rarely too am I surprised by funerals. Besides having numerous family members pass away and more tragically some dear friends, I have also done volunteer work with Hospice as a counselor from terminally ill patients and as a result have been to many funerals over the years. Almost always there is some kind of lunch afterwards, and they are usually sad little pot luck ordeals. I'm not even referring to it being sad because of the nature of the event, because that does indeed cast a sad light over the gathering, but excepting all of that, they are sad because the food offering is rarely anything to get excited about. The Jews do it slightly better than most, because there is guaranteed to be a huge pile of fresh bagels and the good cream cheese from the deli and obscene amounts of smoked salmon. I do love me some good Nova.

It was therefore a complete and utter shock to me when I attended the funeral of the grandmother of some very close friends. I didn't know Gran particularly well, but the rest of the family was like a second family to me, so I went to the funeral to show solidarity for my friends. I'm not a Chicago native, and even as a transplant I am an avowed Northsider, so I wasn't familiar with the south side cemetery and the reception hall we went to the day. I was informed that they are a Chicago institution and the even Cardinal Joseph Bernadin is spending his eternal earthly slumber there. The funeral was typical sad, and the graveyard service was particularly heart wrenching when they lowered the casket and my friends mother started whimpering and crying out, "mama, mama, mama." But nothing could have prepared me for the lunch afterwards.

Because they are good Irish folks [see, I don't really hate the Irish] there were two ENORMOUS bars set up and we were all immediately encouraged to drink up. They mixed up heavenly, rich Bloody Mary's for us. A couple of them went down really easy when my nose detected the most delightful aroma of fresh bread and I was presented a basket of warm rolls from the oven. "Oh my God, you have to have one of these. NOW." my new grandmotherless friend insisted. And she was right. I did indeed need to have one. And then another. And then another. They were insanely good. We kept drinking and eating rolls and drinking and eating rolls until giant platters of food began to arrive and were set on the tables. I clearly remember tender roast beef, fried chicken, tortellini in tomato sauce, mashed potatoes and beef gravy, corn swimming in butter and I know many others, but I was soon swimming in a haze of alcohol and some of the richest and homiest food of my life. We sat for hours and ate and talked and people began to tell stories of Gran's life and we cried and laughed until tears streamed down our faces. I may have not known her well in her life, but I felt like I knew her after that lunch and I felt closer to those friends than ever before. Walking out of that lunch, I was renewed with a belief for embracing life and quite honestly the power of a good lunch shared with loved ones.

I still think about that day, and although I hope my funeral is a long ways off, I hope it is very similar to Gran's: good friends and family laughing at my eccentricities and fueled with amazing food and drink. I'm still contemplating the menu, though. What would you want served at your funeral?

And of course, WFL?

26 comments:

Josephus said...

Good one Jade.

I have to say that the two things about funerals that I like (I have been lucky enough to not attend that many) is seeing family and old friends, and the food. Something about a funeral makes people go all out on the cooking. And of course it is a great time to get inebriated and tell stories about happier days, and a good drunk cry with friends/family is priceless.

So what do I want served at mine? Well if my body does indeed drop weight by 21 grams at death and my soul is hovering above the potluck dinner table after my service, I would hope to see the equivalent of a family BBQ mixed with Thanksgiving dinner. Every salad imaginable, egg, tuna pasta, chicken, three kinds of potato salad (my aunt's, my nana's and my nana's best friend's), a Greek salad, and a simple tossed one. I would want a big lamb roast chock full of garlic, a honey ham, steaks cooked to order, some home fried chicken and a plate of nova lox. My Mom's recipe for scalloped oysters, her shrimp/eggplant dish, her green beans, the buttery carrots she hasn't made in years and her peanut butter chicken. The largest and most ornate relish tray ever created. And for desert apple pie ala mode and chocolate mousse.

And an open bar that served bloody caesars and dirty martinis as big as your head.

Braunschweiger hoagie for lunch today from Cap Grounds.

dizkonekdid said...

That was a good post Jade.

One of the best meals I've ever had was at a funeral, but it wasn't Irish so the drink lacked.

That brings up a topic, isn't it better to have beverage at a funeral? All the ones I have attended, except a recent one with a good friend that was fireman, have been sans-beverage.

I guess it is because I was in Texas. However, the fireman friend was too shocking (he was younger than me and had children) and it was open cask which just caused all kinds of wrong in my head. I guess I'll never reconcile his death in my head. I've done well with relatives and other close friends. It was something about maybe the way we defied death before by "Parking Garage Skiiing" and hanging out trying to be cool in highschool together.

Regardless, I had one drink at that reception and left.

dizkonekdid said...

sorry to make it all about me ... but Jade's post just dug that one up ... or maybe its the Lo-carb monster?

dizkonekdid said...

oh and its a workout day so I was good and ate the delicious lunch that was prepared by the Esq. She packs a good lunch.

Josephus said...

For the record: braunschweiger hoagie with swiss, horseradish, black olives, lto, mayo and s&p. side of potato salad. V-8

Lady A said...

I'd have to do up outside preferably...so that angel of death better be listening...and if he comes to wack me on the head in the dead of winter...he best be prepared to deal with my wrath in the afterlife..cause I will be one pissed off spirit!

I want an all out grub fest in a complete casual atmosphere. Like a pig roast would be superb, with the most tender, fall off the bone pork. All layered on soft rolls with some north carolina bbq sauce and tumbleweed onions to top it off. Maybe also a good ol' clam bake/crab fest on the side...pots of steaming clams, oysters, shrimp, blue crabs, corn cobs and red potoatoes...just simmering and steaming billowy scents of sea saltiness into the air. There will be some ice cold kegs of miller high life and Blue Moon Belgian White...along with pitcher upon pitcher of margaritas on the rocks with plenty of salt.

Boy..that made me hungry!! I'm gonna have to make a run out for lunch today...something quick though...subway or my favorite pita place for a chicken gyro with a side of cilantro and black bean hummus.

Jada said...

I so agree with peep on two things:

Reubens are the best! I love sauerkraut with anything, but a good fatty corned beef heaped with sauerkraut and melty cheese all grilled on rye bread is delicio-so. Yum yum yum. But leave that fucking 1,000 island dressing off and keep it far, far away from me.

I too want to be cremated. I cannot abide the idea of being buried. I hate cemetaries on principle as wastes of space and the grisly nature of dead bodies just barely beneath the surface. I would prefer to expedite the dust to dust matter. I too also would like my ashes released over Lake Michigan.

I'm having Chinese food today. Please get here soon, precious chinese food, The Jade is hungry!

Jada said...

I'm sure that some of the reasons for burying the dead are sanitary. You can't just leave rotting corpses around and not suffer the consequences. Although people have been burying the dead long before they understood about bacteria and microorganisms, they certainly would have understood the stench of decomposing human flesh.

Just exactly the kind of thing you expected to read about on a lunch blog, right? I'll say it again ... the stench of decomposing human flesh. Yum, who wants to eat?

I do! Where the fuck are you Charming Wok delivery man?

Josephus said...

I want to be buried in space. Preferably shot from a starship to the Genesis planet. I want bagpipes and a eulogy from the Captain. If there is a Vulcan in attendance, I insist on a single tear.

Lady A said...

I'm not sure if I care what happens to my body...bury me, burn me, scatter me...just no necrophiliacs please...

Jade- the pickle bar deli here is AWESOME reubens...great with a side on onion rings. What is the difference between 1000 island and russian dressing??

Josephus said...

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Thousand Island Dressing)
Jump to: navigation, search
Thousand Island dressing is a variety of salad dressing most commonly made of, primarily, mayonnaise, ketchup, and a mixture of finely chopped vegetables, most often pickles, onions, bell peppers, and/or green olives; chopped hard-boiled eggs are also common. Thousand Island was invented as a variant upon Russian dressing in the first decades of the 20th century by Sophia LaLonde. Sophia substituted mayonnaise for the yogurt that was used in Russian dressing, and added pickle relish, chives and sometimes chopped, hard-boiled eggs. The dressing was popularized by one of her dinner guests, actress May Irwin, who gave the condiment its name, after LaLonde's home, the Thousand Islands region of upstate New York and Eastern Ontario.

An alternate tale claims that the name refers instead to the multitude of small specks that dot the dressing.

In the 1950s, Thousand Island Dressing made of mayo, ketchup and pickle relish became a standard condiment, used on sandwiches and salads alike. The McDonald's Big Mac includes a special sauce, which is really just a variation of Thousand Island Dressing.

George Boldt, of Waldorf-Astoria Hotel fame, has also been widely credited with popularizing this condiment when he instructed his world famous maitre d' Oscar Tschirky to put the dressing on the menu at the Waldorf Astoria.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Russian Dressing)
Jump to: navigation, search
Russian dressing is a salad dressing composed of a base of mayonnaise or yogurt with ketchup, pimentos, and chives and/or other spices added. The condiment was named when the ingredients typically included caviar, a food often thought of as Russian. It is the principal condiment in a Reuben sandwich, although Thousand Island dressing is sometimes used as a substitute.

LizTurtle said...

I'm in a food coma. We had Red Hot & Blue bbq. Mmmm . . . pulled pork & chicken . . . slaw . . . . The only thing missing was the hot bbq sauce. We got the mild, but not the hot. I like to mix the two, b/c the mild has the thickness, where the hot is more watery. Mmm. Bbq induced crying.

At my funeral I want mayo that's been sitting out for a week, anything that came in a dented can and mis-sliced fugu (blowfish). I'm bringing you all with me!

Anonymous said...

I think Bobby Knight said it best: "when I die, I want them to bury me upside down, so my critics can kiss my ass." Not sure why that's saying it best, but it sure is funny. I guess that's also an invitation for the necropheliacs too.

I think cremation is the way to go. I don't want any future re-animator turning me into a zombie or something. I've never heard of ashes coming back and eating people's brains.

And on that topic, has anyone ever ate brains? I've held a pig's brain in my hand, but wasn't about to eat it.

Lunch for me was a salad. Nice boring salad...

Lady A said...

mystery solved...gratzi lunch czar!

And LT-you are a mean mean mean spirit!! ;)

Jada said...

I think today's post is as good a time as any to bring up Rico's joke about burying the gay people with their asses sticking out of the ground so there would be some place to park their bikes. On second thought, maybe it's never a good time to bring up that joke. Anywho ...

Not much kills my appetite other than illness. I'm always good to get my grub on.

I ate brains once at Charlie Trotters, and I suppose if you have to eat them you might as well do it there. They were claves brains in a milky white sauce and incredibly, nauseatingly tender. They just kind of fell apart on the tongue. As I have stated in a post some time ago, I am an adamant non-eater of organ meats, but I am also of the "try everything once" frame of mind. And like I said, it was Charlie Trotters. I have also dissected many brains in my college career and had the opportunity to hold and closely examine [although not dissect] a human brain. It was actually thrilling and extraordinarily beautiful.

Jada said...

Sweatbreads are kidneys.

Jada said...

Actually, I was wrong, I just looked it up. Sweatbreads are either the pancreas or thymus gland, depending on whether you have stomach sweatbreads or neck sweatbreads. Either way, I feel no need to eat them regularly.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of the brains thing. Has there been a posting yet of the grossest thing anyone has ever eaten? That would be a good one me thinks. Doesn't even have to be the grossest, just the most exotic or weird.

Mine may have been an ox tongue. Just a big ol tongue on a white plate. It was in the Philippines and I was grossed out. I could feel the ox's taste buds as they slid against mine, like sandpaper.

How about that OWFL blog?!

Lady A said...

Oh miu...the casings are the best part of sausages...it gives it that crisp bite!

I fully intend to get the meat grinding gadget and sausage stuffer kit for my much adored Kitchen Aid one of these days...*sigh*

Josephus said...

I eat chitlins once a year. They never disappoint. Chicken gizzards, kidneys and livers are tasty. Tried pig feet and "hogmaws". Love oxtails.

I knew a guy who could eat an enitire chiken sans the head. He'd eat the bones even. Twas a sight to see.

I've found that chicken ass tastes like chicken.

Josephus said...

I took a bite of a lengua burrito once. Tasted tonguey.

Jada said...

I love oxtails, too. I always really like meat that is close to the bone or contains bones. Short ribs, oxtails, porterhouse steaks, chicken legs. I think that "the closer the bone the sweeter the meat" saying is true.

Anonymous said...

I have a friend who told me her Great Uncle somehow got stranded on a pacific island during WWII, and the natives were cannibals.

The uncle was not killed and eaten by the natives, but was allowed to stay awhile as a guest.

He said that human meat does not taste like chicken, but rather pork.

Guess there are exceptions to the "tastes like chicken" rule...

Jada said...

Don't get me started on cannibals. I am not sure if all of you are aware of the fact that I am obsessive about cannibals in the way HT is about midgets.

Lady A said...

Discovery Channel did do that show Going Tribal...where the dude did live with a tribe of cannibals for about a month or so...you never know...my bet would be that F/X would pick up on that series!

HaterTot said...

Oy. Do I have a lot to say on these issues...

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - I LOVE church basement funeral lunches. LOVE. White Trash ham with pineapples and maraschino cherries… scalloped potatoes… mashed potatoes… meatloaf… baked ziti… green bean casserole… the cold cut platter… the jello molds… the cookie trays… and delicious Lemon Blennd (did yinz guys have that where you’re from?)

That’s just the church basement dinner, after the funeral. This doesn’t take into account the TONS of food that is heaped upon the immediate family in the days following the death. At one point, I looked at my dad’s neighbors and said, “Okay, there were three of us – now there are two. So, explain to me why the two of us need enough food to feed an army when there are fewer of us now, than there were yesterday?” Trays of homemade pasta things, casseroles, cakes, pies, cookies, pierogies, soups, stews, peppers, brisket, pork and sauerkraut, halushki, halupki, loaves and loaves of fresh bread, doughnuts, fruit baskets (fucking fruit baskets), candy, homemade wine, homemade pizzas… the list goes on and on and on. I really believe that the REAL reason people wear black is to hide the weight gain that goes with a loved one’s passing.

In short, (wow – this sounds bad) I love funerals. Jo’s right about old friends and wacky cousins, and people no one knows, telling stories about that time, “…your mom went Christmas caroling with the other teachers, and was drinking scotch out of the bottle the whole time…” (yeah, and you all wonder where I get it from). I can’t even count the number I’ve been too, but I’ve never laughed so hard, and felt greater love than at funerals.

No cremation here. And, I like open casket. Seriously, holding my mom’s hand one last time, and brushing her hair off her forehead, quietly whispering to her who sent cheap flowers – I wouldn’t have traded that for anything. And, at first I lobbied against it. My mom always said, “I don’t want a bunch of people just fucking staring and gawking at me up there. I will haunt you if you let them put me on display like that stuffed Mammoth at the Smithsonian.” But then, my Godmother (mom’s best friend) said, “Look, no one wants to piss [HT’s mom] off. But, she’ll understand that it’s actually not about her anymore. We need to see her one last time – your dad, her friends, you.” And, she had a great point. And, I’m so glad that’s what we opted for. The viewings were like the crazy parties I remember them taking me to when I was a kid, and it was kind of like she was there, too. And, when I go, I want to be part of the party. And, I will be wearing a tiara.

Now, onto innards. I’ve eaten it all – brains, kidneys, blood sausage, tripe, chitlins, gizzards, liver – all of it. I’ll try anything twice. Of those, the only that I really like are tripe and liver, well, pate and fois gras. I used to eat calves’ liver as a kid, but now, I’ve got texture issues. I could live on fois gras, though. And cheese. And champagne. And cupcakes.

Lunch today was a Single Girl sandwich (salami and cheese, wrapped around lettuce and tomatoes, dipped in low fat mayo and beer n’ brat mustard) at my desk at home. The work laptop pretty much kicked it today, so I came home to work. Maybe we should have a funeral for it. I’ll bring the Lemon Blennd…